PSYCHOTHERAPI & BODYWORK

My approach is grounded in neuroaffective developmental psychology, psychodynamic therapy, and somatic practices, integrating cutting-edge research with a deep respect for the value of lived experience. I have a particular interest in trauma and in how power dynamics in modern society impact neurodivergent and queer people. Learn more under: Psychotherapy & Bodywork.

Under Resources, I also write a bit about the key theories and methods I draw upon, including a brief note on science: Key Theories and Methods in Therapy: A Multi-Layered Human Approach.

RESOURCES

There are many neurodivergent professionals with deep expertise in neurodivergence, and they serve as a great source of inspiration to me—particularly the American and British neurodivergent queer professionals working within mental healthcare, therapy, and teaching. Therefore, I have included a section where I share recommendations of some of the most compelling and valuable resources and insights I’ve come across, which is updated regularly: Resources to Knowledge and Role Models.

Under Resources, I also write about the Danish labor market, where the biggest intersectional challenges play out. I present data and statistics and provide insight into the key players on the employee side (DK: arbejdstagersiden): People and the Labour Market: Data and Statistics.

BLOG AND POEMS

I am a neurodivergent activist advocating for diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging in our democracy—raising awareness of the non-stereotypical representations of autism and ADHD. Through my blog and poems, I explore what it means to be an authentic human being by sharing personal stories, insights, and reflections, woven together with facts and science—or sometimes just blunt facts. My aim is to foster understanding, connection, and positive change in our society. The blog and poems are my response to the widespread lack of understanding of what neurodivergence truly encompasses and the resulting lack of support many people experience. I write to challenge these misconceptions and myths. See more under: Blog and Poems.

MY PROFESSIONAL BACKGROUND

My professional journey reflects a unique blend of analytical and therapeutic expertise. I completed my training as a Psychotherapist at PUC in Copenhagen and am a Certified Esalen Massage Practitioner, trained in Zürich. Additionally, I have undergone extensive training in relational trauma therapy under the guidance of Merete Brantbjerg.

For more than 20 years, I have practiced Tai Chi under the guidance of Lars Ewe, a student of Master Tung Kai Ting. This long-standing practice has deeply influenced my understanding of somatic awareness and body-centered approaches to healing.

I hold an advanced degree in Economics (cand.polit.) from the University of Copenhagen, equipping me with a robust foundation in research and methodology as well as a nuanced understanding of society. My academic background in Rhetoric from Aarhus and Roskilde Universities, with a focus on solutions-oriented strategies and organizational culture, and leadership, has further deepened my understanding of systemic dynamics and human connection. Additionally, my expertise in sociology, statistical analysis, program theory and outcome management and evaluation has sharpened my ability to understand and navigate complex systems.

Working progress

At the moment, I am expanding my therapeutic expertise by exploring sexuality and intimacy through shibari, kink, and BDSM under the guidance of, among others, Beatrice Gigliuto, also known as Red Lily. These practices focus on fostering connection, a sense of belonging, and the joy, gratitude, and love that emerge from meaningful relationships.

PSYCHOTHERAPY

As a neurodivergent psychotherapist and gender-nonconforming queer, I bring lived experience to my work, challenging harmful myths and societal conditioning that often silence or marginalize neurodivergent and queer voices. I integrate lived wisdom with research, blending cutting-edge theories, relational trauma therapy, and somatic awareness—with a deep respect for the intuitive ways we come to understand ourselves. My approach is characterized by an intersectional understanding of identity, community, and the systemic barriers we face.

"Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage"

– Brené Brown, Researcher on

courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy

POWER-OVER CULTURE UNDERMINDES AUTENCITY AND THE SENSE OF BELONGING

We live in a culture that systematically oppresses those who deviate from perceived norms—whether due to neurodiversity, gender, sexuality, class, ethnicity, age, or disability. You may have been made to believe you overthink or are too sensitive. You’ve learned to doubt yourself and silence your voice out of shame and fear, often expending extraordinary energy trying to fit in. Perhaps you’ve been dismissed by others, misunderstood by providers, or labeled with conditions—or none at all—that fail to reflect your lived experience.

This persistent oppression can cause us to question our reality and internalize the belief that we are not good enough. Neurodivergent people often engage in constant self-monitoring and environmental scanning to appear "normal" and meet neurotypical expectations. This leads to a profound sense of shame about our authentic selves. While we may appear composed outwardly, internally, we often feel anxious and burned out. Masking and trauma responses that once helped us survive now inflict emotional pain, disconnecting us from our true selves and our sense of belonging.

One in five people is neurodivergent, and as many as one in five outpatient clients may be autistic. This reality creates an ethical obligation to challenge and move beyond outdated stereotypes.

I WORK TO EMPOWER YOUR

I am inspired by the neurodiversity movement, which seeks to empower individuals by advocating for inclusion, equity, and collective responsibility, fostering interpersonal practices that honor the dignity and inherent worth of every person.

I Work to Empower You In

• Feeling seen, validated, and confident as your authentic self.
• Recognizing abusive dynamics and understanding their impact on your life.
• Understanding your sensory profile and identifying your unique support needs.
• Developing a sense of safety in your body and trusting your perceptions.
• Building confidence in self-advocacy and establishing healthy boundaries.
• Experiencing greater vulnerability and authenticity within safe relationships.
• Embracing self-acceptance and learning to collaborate with your brain, not fight against it.

The Body Holds and Heals Trauma

I combine techniques, theories, and approaches from various therapeutic schools—always grounded in neuroscience. I have collected a library of approaches I have learned through reading, exploring bodywork and osteopathy, testing techniques on myself, collaborating with others, and gaining a deep understanding of how the nervous system functions.

I have a lifelong fascination with the nervous system and its remarkable capacity to move toward healing and regulation, even after experiencing significant trauma. As social creatures, we are hard-wired to connect, play, and heal within a community. Safe relationships and the experience of empathy are essential pathways to healing—we can only fully realize our potential through meaningful connections with others.

My approach is inspired by trauma theories and therapies. Movement helps the body process traumatic memories, break cycles of stress and tension, and release trapped energy. Practices such as yoga, meditation, self-care, and self-regulation skills, combined with de-armoring techniques (like bodywork) and breathwork (such as holotropic or deep breathing), play a vital role in supporting the healing process.

I am equally inspired by creative work rooted in phenomenological and Jungian approaches, including dream work and art therapy. These methods tap into our unconscious resources through deep focus, imagination, and creative expression, such as writing, music, dance, drawing, painting, sculpting, and story enactment. I also draw inspiration from universal human experiences expressed in myths, fairy tales, and symbols, using these timeless narratives as tools for insight and growth.

I have knowledge and experience with relationships, trauma, stress, shame, grief, crisis, anxiety, depression, abuse, addiction, self-destructiveness, and control behaviors such as eating disorders and OCD—as well as neurodivergence, including autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dyspraxia, Tourette syndrome, and more. Moreover, I am knowledgeable about the many physical symptoms that often accompany neurodivergent individuals.

Short on Neurodivergence: Research doesn't understand what neurodivergence is—and yes, I know exactly what I’m saying here—which is why it surprises so many that so many people are being diagnosed today. At its core, neurodivergence is about having different kinds of minds that perceive and solve problems in their own unique ways. And even if you can categorize someone into a specific neurotype, they’ll still be wildly different from others in that same category—it’s called personality.

Short on Trauma: Trauma is a natural part of life, arising from experiences that overwhelm our capacity to cope. Trauma is always relational because, as a species, we are interdependent on one another. Trauma is a bodily experience and is, therefore, inherently preverbal. Not talking about it makes it difficult to address how it affects your everyday life, while talking about it carries the risk of re-traumatization. There is no one-size-fits-all approach—every person is unique and deserves to be met in their own unique way.

If you'd like to learn a bit about the theories and methods that inspire me, you can read more in the section: Key Theories and Methods in Therapy: A Multi-Layered Human Approach.

BODYWORK

The senses are the foundation for the development of human consciousness. I have conceptual synesthesia; I experience thoughts as tangible sensations, connected like ropes I can feel in my hands. If I haven’t sensed something, to me, it doesn’t exist. For this reason, I have dedicated myself to exploring somatic practices that address trauma through sensory awareness and embodiment. This gives me a unique insight into how self-awareness within the body is experienced from the inside—not as a concept, but as a lived reality for human consciousness.

"Healing depends on learning to fully inhabit your body"

– Bessel van der Kolk,
Psychiatrist and trauma researcher

Esalen Massage

People who have been traumatized—or conditioned by our culture—to ignore their body’s messages often struggle with self-regulation. Self-regulation depends on cultivating a friendly and attuned relationship with the body. You can’t fully recover if you don’t feel safe in your own skin. Touch helps awaken your body and reassures you that you are safe.

Esalen Massage originates from California and is known as "the art of conscious touch." It draws inspiration from Charlotte Selver, the founder of Sensory Awareness, whose central belief is that our experiences are shaped through the senses. Her methods aim to deepen the connection between body and mind, fostering a sense of wholeness and presence.

Esalen Massage combines elements from various techniques, including classic Swedish massage, deep tissue massage, shiatsu, and additional practices such as breath awareness, energy work, joint mobilization, and mindfulness. This integrative approach cultivates a profound connection between body and mind, promoting relaxation, balance, and self-healing. The massage alleviates physical and mental tension while supporting the body’s natural ability to self-regulate.

Relational Trauma Therapy

All trauma is preverbal, and the body keeps the score, storing the imprint of experiences in ways that words cannot fully express.

Relational Trauma Therapy integrates bodywork and relational dynamics, emphasizing the use of bodily sensations as a gateway to healing. Central to this approach is Resource-Oriented Skill Training (ROST), which focuses on strengthening internal resources through body-based skill-building rather than delving exclusively into trauma narratives. These methods are particularly effective for individuals who feel overwhelmed by traditional trauma therapy or struggle to connect with their emotions.

Tai Chi and Qi Gong

We don’t truly know ourselves unless we can feel and interpret our physical sensations. To navigate safely through life, we must be able to register and act on these signals. Tai Chi and Qi Gong encourage looking inward rather than outward, fostering a deep connection with your body and creating a sense of agency.

Tai Chi Chuan, developed by the Yang family in the 19th century, is deeply rooted in martial arts. Yang style Tai Chi integrates the principles of Taoism, emphasizing the harmony of yin and yang forces. It focuses on achieving balance between softness and strength, stillness and motion, and the unity of mind and body.

The Yang family style of Tai Chi is one of the most widely practiced and recognized forms of Tai Chi Chuan worldwide. It combines physical movement, mental focus, and breath regulation to cultivate inner calm and physical vitality. Often practiced alongside Qi Gong—a system of energy cultivation—Tai Chi enhances relaxation, improves circulation, and promotes a harmonious flow of energy.

Regulating the Nervous System Through Connection and Resonance

The vagus nerve, as part of the parasympathetic nervous system, plays a vital role in calming the body, recovering from stress, and maintaining balance. Stimulating the vagus nerve enhances your body’s natural ability to self-regulate, promoting emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

Self-regulation and co-regulation are essential for managing emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, helping us adapt to stress and maintain healthy relationships.

• Self-regulation focuses on internal strategies to achieve emotional balance.
• Co-regulation relies on mutual emotional regulation through connection and interaction with others.

At the heart of co-regulation is resonance—the process of emotionally attuning to another person’s state. Through resonance, we mirror and regulate each other’s nervous systems, fostering a deep sense of safety, connection, and belonging. This is why we often feel calmer in the presence of a compassionate person and more anxious around someone who is tense or distressed.

Practical techniques that engage the vagus nerve and promote emotional balance include: humming and chanting, taking a cold bath, laughing, stretching, yawning, tapping, EMDR, getting upside down, engaging peripheral vision—and, most importantly, getting a hug and talking to a friend. By incorporating these techniques—especially within resonant and safe relationships—we support our nervous system’s natural ability to regulate, heal, and restore balance.

"Trauma blocks love and connection,

and love and connection heal trauma"

– Frank Andersen,

Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist

Resources to Knowledge and Role Models

25 March 2025 (continuously updated)

"I wish I had had role models," says Olympic rowing champion Caragh McMurtry in an interview with Matthew Head on The Dyslexia Life Hacks Show. Here, you can find references to resources that offer a nuanced insight into the neurodivergent world, seen through neurodivergent eyes. This list will be updated continuously as I come across new materials..

Key Theories and Methods in Therapy: A Multi-Layered Human Approach

13 February 2025

My approach integrates neuroscience, emotional systems, relationships, and sexuality to explore the layers of human experience—from the nervous system to cultural and social factors. It is strengths-based, trauma-informed, and non-pathologizing, fostering understanding, healing, and growth. I also occasionally incorporate insights and comments about research.

People and the Labour Market: Data and Statistics

5 March 2025 (continuously updated)

There are many misconceptions about how well things are going in Denmark, but since the first labor market reform in 1994, society has been in decline. We haven’t noticed it because we don’t talk about real people’s lived experiences. I highlight the numbers that reflect this reality—how many people suffer from stress, how many are diagnosed with mental health conditions, what people receive in unemployment and social benefits, the rising costs of housing, and much more.

» Key Theories and Methods in Therapy:
A Multi-Layered Human Approach

13 February 2025

My approach integrates neuroscience, emotional systems, relationships, sexuality, social sciences, and intersectionality to explore the layers of human experience—from the nervous system to cultural and social factors. It is strengths-based, trauma-informed, and non-pathologizing, fostering understanding, healing, and growth. I also occasionally incorporate insights and comments about research.

My approach to working with people is deeply inspired by the American and British neurodivergent queer community: I take a strengths-based, non-pathologizing approach and apply a trauma-informed perspective.

The theories and methods I employ are organized around the different layers of the human experience, progressing from the nervous system to sensory and muscular systems, emotions, cognition and mental health, relationships, cultural and social factors, and sexuality. This layered approach reflects the interconnected nature of our physical, emotional, and social selves, bringing together all insights that help us understand who we are.

I draw on neuroscience, focusing on self-regulation and co-regulation of the nervous system, including the interplay of afferent (sensory input) and efferent (motor output) pathways. I utilize knowledge of somatic markers from António Damasio and Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges.

I combine this with inspiration from Prentis Hemphill, therapist, somatic educator, and founder of The Embodiment Institute, as well as Texan researcher and storyteller Brené Brown, who explores courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy.

You see, one size does not fit all—and most methods have never been validated by science, even if some of their mechanisms might have been. Therefore, it is essential to maintain an awareness of what works for whom, when (which is very important), and where—and to understand that it is perfectly okay to change methods if or when something does not seem to work for you.

Along the way, I sometimes include comments about research. Karl Popper, a philosopher of science, believed that scientific theories can never be conclusively proven true; they can only be falsified through testing. Therefore, ideas and assumptions should be continuously questioned and critically tested because science is a growing system, not a system of belief. Theories and paradigms that cannot be falsified are not science.

Cultural and Evolutionary Perspectives:

SEXUALITY AND WEIL-BEING by Emily Nagoski—Empowering Women Through Science and Understanding

Emily Nagoski’s research delves into the complexities of human sexuality and well-being, with a particular focus on women. She explores the intricacies of female desire and arousal, offering science-based insights into sexual satisfaction and emotional intimacy. With her engaging and evidence-driven approach, Nagoski highlights the vital roles of self-compassion, connection, and empowerment in understanding and embracing human sexuality.

EVOLUTIONARY BIOLOGY/PSYCHOLOGY/PSYCHIATRY—Mental Traits and Conditions as Adaptations to Cultural and Social Factors

Evolutionary biology, psychology, and psychiatry examine how mental traits and conditions are shaped as adaptations to environmental, cultural, and social factors. This perspective suggests that behaviors and mental processes, including those considered disorders, may have evolved to solve challenges faced by our ancestors, and their persistence today often reflects mismatches between evolutionary adaptations and modern environments.

Comment—When Scientists and Politicians Get It Wrong

I think this area of science takes a somewhat speculative approach because we cannot ask nature what its intentions are. However, since our body and mind are not isolated islands but are constantly adapting to our surroundings, the human mind seeks strategies to make sense of the world and navigate our environment. These strategies include different ways of thinking and problem-solving, such as those seen in autism, ADHD, and dyslexia, as well as emotional responses like anxiety and depression—because we are a meaning-making species.

When many people share the same traits, it’s not the people who are getting it wrong—it’s science that isn’t getting it right. In Denmark, when 821.000 people out of a population of 6 million, including children—13,5% of the total population—take psychiatric medication to maintain the image of being the happiest country in the world, it’s not the people who are at fault; it’s the scientists and politicians dehumanizing them.

Emotional Growth and Personality Development:

COURAGE, VULNERABILITY, SHAME, AND EMPATHY by Brené Brown—The Keys to Connection and Belonging

Brené Brown’s research delves into the interplay between courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy, uncovering how these elements are essential for fostering authentic connection and a sense of belonging. Her work emphasizes the power of vulnerability as a strength that deepens relationships and challenges the barriers created by shame and fear.

Comment—The Problems with Research Methods

The gold standard in research, the randomized controlled trial (RCT), is not the best method to determine whether something works. This is primarily because it fails to explain why and how—especially in a world where problems are complex and multifaceted. The method is best suited for situations where a clear theoretical framework already exists, and the objective is to confirm or refute a theory.

In contrast, Grounded Theory—used by researchers such as Brené Brown—focuses on generating theory from data, enabling researchers to answer questions like: "Why does this happen?" and "How does this work in a given context?" This approach makes it possible to study phenomena as they naturally occur and to understand the interaction of various contextual factors.

As an example, one could see the blood clots caused by the COVID vaccine under a microscope, which led to the discontinuation of vaccines from Johnson & Johnson. However, the damage to the nervous system caused by Pfizer-BioNTech and Moderna, from which many people reportedly suffer today, cannot be observed under a microscope. Neither did statistical methods support this, not because of the overall sample size, but because the people's symptoms couldn't be distinctly identified.

The vaccine, like COVID, appears to carry a risk of causing long-term health problems that are difficult to explain. Just to clarify, I am not against vaccines—they have saved countless lives, such as those for smallpox and polio—but their use must be informed and transparent, and the limitations of research must be acknowledged.

My opinion is that research must reflect the lived experiences of those it speaks about; otherwise, the research is not relevant.

BOUNDARIES, HEALING, AND LIBERATION by Prentis Hemphill—Embodying Justice and Collective Care

Prentis Hemphill’s work weaves together the concepts of boundaries, healing, and liberation, emphasizing the intrinsic connection between personal healing and collective justice. They are widely known for their profound definition of boundaries: "Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously". Hemphill’s approach to healing centers on somatic practices that address trauma not just as an intellectual or emotional challenge, but as an embodied experience. Their philosophy inspires a vision of liberation rooted in community care, emotional resilience, and embodied presence.

THE BIG FIVE—Understanding Core Personality Traits

The Big Five personality framework identifies five broad dimensions of human personality: Openness (ranging from closed to experience to open-mindedness), Conscientiousness (spanning impulsiveness or carelessness to organization and reliability), Extraversion (from introversion to outgoingness), Agreeableness (from antagonism to cooperation and empathy), and Neuroticism (ranging from emotional stability to emotional reactivity). This model provides a comprehensive structure for understanding individual differences in behavior, thought, and emotion.

Comment—Research on Personality Lacks Scientific Support

There are many different personality tests designed to assess potential job candidates by measuring and evaluating individual personality traits, preferences, and behaviors. I have personally taken tests like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), Thomas, Enneagram, DISC, and the Big Five—some of them multiple times. These tests lack scientific reliability—can you repeat the test and get the same result?—and validity: does the test truly measure what it claims to measure? Contrary to what is often claimed, their outcomes are influenced by cultural and personal circumstances.

In my own experience, the results of these tests have varied over time. This is partly because my life circumstances have changed, and partly because I have chosen to reinterpret a question. It’s worth noting that I know what the “right” answers are for a specific job, and so I adapt my responses accordingly.

When we test, we have to ask ourselves how these personality tests correlate with the neurodivergent profile. My MBTI result is ENTP—I am a debater, acting like a bunch of horses barely staying within the fence—which doesn’t align with the autistic traits in my AuDHD profile. What it does tell us is that humans are different, and we must be very careful not to adopt stereotypical understandings that lead us to treat people in ways that become self-fulfilling prophecies, ultimately limiting their opportunities.

No two brains are alike, even if they share the same neurotype.

Cognition, Language, and Meaning-Making:

COGNITIVE AND AFFECTIVE NEUROSCIENCE by Daniel Kahneman—Understanding Human Decision-Making and Biases

Daniel Kahneman’s work bridges psychology, cognitive processes, and affective neuroscience to explore how humans make decisions, respond emotionally, and develop cognitive biases. His research highlights the dual systems of thinking—fast, intuitive decision-making (System 1) and slow, deliberate reasoning (System 2)—revealing how biases and heuristics influence our choices in everyday life.

Comment—Scientists Gets It Wrong When They Talk About a "Normal"

When researchers compare brain scans between a person with what they call a "normal" brain and a person they label as having an "autistic brain," they have already gotten it wrong. Why? Because nature—though we cannot ask it—would not be so stupid as to produce only one type of brain if Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest holds up to scrutiny.

So, when researchers conclude that people labeled as having "autistic brains" have not had their synapses pruned in the same way as a "normal" brain, they assume that nature made a mistake—one that humanity must now fix. It is a hegemonic, pathologizing, eugenics-driven, reductionist way of thinking—a Promethean hubris.

We have 46 chromosomes, 86 billion nerve cells, and 37 trillion cells in total. Our genes are constantly being turned on and off, transcribed, and regulated to control the body's production of proteins, hormones, and other essential substances. We have 50–100 different hormones, more than 100 different neurotransmitters, several dozens of cytokines and growth inhibitors, and around two dozen vitamins and minerals. We live in symbiosis with our gut microbiome, where bacteria play a crucial role in producing neurotransmitters and other compounds that our bodies cannot synthesize on their own. Then there is the neuroendocrine system, which connects the nervous system with the hormonal system. We also have the immune system and the lymphatic system, working together to maintain balance and health. Our brain has between 100 trillion and 500 trillion synapses. And much, much more is constantly at work within the body and brain of the human species, enabling us to navigate the world around us. It’s by no means simple, and therefore, there is no "normal"; otherwise, we would still be jellyfish in the Panthalassic Ocean, extinct 500 million years ago.

LANGUAGE, MEANING, AND EXPERIENCE by Ludwig Wittgenstein—How Words Shape Our Reality

Ludwig Wittgenstein’s philosophy explores how language constructs meaning through social context rather than fixed definitions. His concept of language games highlights how communication is shaped by culture, relationships, and shared understanding. He challenges the idea that words can fully capture human experience, emphasizing their limits in expressing emotions and sensations. His insights are key to understanding how language influences identity, relationships, and therapy.

Comment—Scientists Hold a Monopoly on Defining How People Are Categorized and Perceived

Language matters, and the language used about autism is stigmatizing. However, non-autistic researchers resist changing it, arguing that restricting their terminology compromises objectivity—while failing to consider real-life experiences. This means that people in power dictate how others are perceived, shaping public understanding and policy in ways that do not align with the lived realities of autistic individuals.

This is an ethical problem, as it reinforces hierarchies of knowledge where the voices of those being studied are disregarded, despite their expertise in their own lived experiences. Ethical research should prioritize inclusivity, respect, and the autonomy of marginalized communities in defining their own narratives.

Mind-Body Integration:

SOMATIC MARKERS by António Damasio—Focusing on Emotions, Consciousness, and Decision-Making

António Damasio’s concept of somatic markers explores how emotions and bodily sensations guide decision-making processes. These markers act as subconscious shortcuts, helping us evaluate choices based on past experiences and emotional responses. This framework bridges the connection between the body, emotions, and the mind, highlighting the role of consciousness in shaping our decisions.

SOMATIC EXPERIENCE by Peter Levine—Releasing Stored Energy From Traumatic Experiences

Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing focuses on releasing energy stored in the body from traumatic experiences. By tracking physical sensations and their associated emotions, this approach helps restore balance to the nervous system. The method emphasizes the body’s innate ability to heal by gently resolving the physiological stress responses that remain.

BODYNAMIC by Lisbeth Marcher—How Muscles Store Emotional Experiences and Memories

Lisbeth Marcher’s Bodynamic approach explores the connection between muscles and emotional experiences. It posits that muscles hold memories of past events, storing emotional imprints that can influence behavior and well-being. By working with the body and its muscular patterns, Bodynamic therapy aims to release these stored emotions, fostering healing and integration of both body and mind.

TRAUMA AND THE BODY by Bessel van der Kolk—Healing Through Mind-Body Connection

Bessel van der Kolk explores how traumatic experiences—including traumatic invalidation and minimization (or, as I call it, the reliable repetitions of everyday life)—are stored not only in the mind but also in the body. He examines the profound impact of trauma on the brain, emotions, and physical health. By emphasizing the importance of holistic healing approaches—combining traditional therapy with somatic practices such as yoga, EMDR, and mindfulness—his work highlights the deep interconnection between the mind and body. This perspective provides valuable insights into understanding and treating trauma, fostering lasting recovery and resilience.

Comment—Research Has a Blindside to the Complexity of Health

Neurodivergent people often experience accompanying mental and physical symptoms. Due to heightened stress responses—particularly in the autonomic nervous system (commonly referred to as the stress system)—and sensory sensitivities, many face health challenges such as brain fog, sleep disorders, chronic pain, severe menopause, hypermobility, allergies, gut issues, hormonal fluctuations, chronic inflammation (including neuroinflammation), and immune dysfunctions. All of these factors actively and physically drive mental health. Because of the co-occurrence, it is difficult to separate which symptoms stem from neurodiversity (and mental health) and which are physical.

Sleep disorders may include a flat melatonin curve, dysregulated circadian rhythms, nocturnal awakening, and an overreactive nervous system (e.g., hypervigilance). Other common issues include migraines and conditions related to immune dysregulation, such as IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), and POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), which is a form of dysautonomia.

Dysautonomia, encompassing a range of autonomic nervous system dysfunctions. Additionally, metabolic hormonal dysfunction, which affects processes such as insulin regulation, thyroid function, and reproductive hormones. Dysautonomia may also include symptoms like MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder), and systemic inflammation. Other related issues include uveitis (inflammation of the uvea) and systemic conditions such as chronic fatigue, lupus, fibromyalgia, CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis), EDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome), UTCD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), and HSD (Hypermobility Spectrum Disorders).

Additionally, traits such as PDA (Persistent Demand for Autonomy, also referred to as Pathological Demand Avoidance in the medical model), RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria), ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), JS (Justice Sensitivity), and Alexithymia may also be present.

Particularly in relation to dysautonomia, nervous system regulation, and stress-related conditions, heart rate variability (HRV) reflects the balance between sympathetic (fight-or-flight) and parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) activity—that is, how efficiently or inefficiently the nervous system functions.

In short, your nervous system is constantly out of regulation. Let me be clear: this is not just because you are neurodivergent, but because you live in a society that does not provide surroundings that support your self-regulation or co-regulation.

Elevated stress in the body has been scarcely researched, despite the identification of somatic responses. One reason for this gap is that research funding—whether from private corporations or public entities—tends to prioritize areas that promise quick, tangible results or economic benefits. As a result, studies on the subtle and complex impacts of trauma on the body, which are harder to monetize, are vastly overlooked.

This funding bias reveals a broader truth: research is inherently political and guided by financial incentives. Consequently, our understanding of what trauma does to the body and how to heal from it remains limited. It’s easy to allocate resources to study a parasite under a microscope—a clear, measurable problem with straightforward solutions. However, uncovering the intricate damage trauma inflicts on the nervous system is far more complex—and unpredictable—and less financially rewarding, leaving critical questions unanswered. Unfortunately, this also leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy in research, as researchers often fail to conduct grounded research and exercise ethical consideration.

Neuroscience and Emotional Regulation:

POLYVAGAL THEORY by Stephen Porges—Connection Between the Autonomic Nervous System and Emotional Behavior

Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory explores the intricate connection between the autonomic nervous system and emotional regulation. It highlights how the vagus nerve, a key component of the parasympathetic system, influences social behavior, stress responses, and overall emotional well-being. For individuals with highly sensitive neuroception, this connection is particularly significant, as their heightened nervous system activity often leads to amplified responses to perceived threats or safety cues—a characteristic commonly observed in Persistent Demand for Autonom (PDA). By understanding this connection, Polyvagal Theory provides valuable insight into how our body’s physiological states shape our ability to connect with others and respond to challenges, forming the foundation for trauma-informed approaches to healing and self-regulation. Dysautonomia occurs when the autonomic nervous system dysfunctions.

• Safety and Social Engagement System (Ventral Vagus System): In the present, curiosity, compassion, groundedness, mindfulness—Affects our face, voice, and ears.
  
• Fight-or-Flight System (Sympathetic Nervous System): Panic, fear, anxiety, rage, anger, and irritation.
• Shutdown, Freeze or Immobilization System (Dorsal Vagus System): Dissociation, numbness, depression, shame, and hopelessness.
  

Comment—Scientists Can't Differentiate Between Trauma Responses and Neurotypical Traits

... coming up ...

NEUROAFFECTIVE DEVELOPMENT PSYCHOLOGY by Susan Hart—Understanding Emotional and Personality Development

Susan Hart’s Neuroaffective Developmental Psychology integrates insights from developmental psychology, trauma research, attachment theory, neuroscience, and evolutionary psychology to explore how emotional and personality development unfolds across the lifespan. This approach emphasizes the role of the nervous system and emotional regulation in forming healthy relationships and resilience.

AFFECTIVE NEUROSCIENCE by Jaak Panksepp—Understanding Positive and Negative Emotional Systems

Jaak Panksepp’s Affective Neuroscience identifies seven primary emotional systems that shape human behavior: Seeking, Lust, Care, and Play (positive emotions), and Rage, Fear, and Sadness (negative emotions). These core emotions are deeply rooted in the brain’s subcortical structures, influencing our responses to both internal and external stimuli. By mapping these systems, Panksepp provides a framework for understanding how emotions drive our actions, relationships, and experiences.

SELF-DETERMINATION THEORY by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan—Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness

Edward Deci and Richard Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory emphasizes three core psychological needs—autonomy, competence, and relatedness—as fundamental to motivation and well-being. It provides a framework for understanding conditions such as Persistent Demand for Autonom (PDA), Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), and Alexithymia, shedding light on how unmet psychological needs can contribute to these challenges and how fostering these needs can enhance personal growth and emotional regulation.

POSITIVE DISINTEGRATION – OVEREXCITABILITY by Kazimierz Dabrowski—Heightened Sensitivity and Responsiveness to Stimuli

Kazimierz Dabrowski’s theory of Positive Disintegration highlights the role of overexcitability in emotional and psychological development. He identifies five types of overexcitability: Emotional, Intellectual, Imaginational, Sensory, Psychomotor, and Existentialism. These represent heightened sensitivity and responsiveness to stimuli, often leading to intense experiences and reflections. Dabrowski suggests that these traits, while challenging, can foster personal growth, self-awareness, and higher levels of psychological integration.

Foundational Theories and Perspectives – Childhood and Early Psychology:

ATTACHMENT THEORY by John Bowlby—Early Experiences as the Blueprint for Lifelong Relationships

John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory explores how early experiences with caregivers form inner working models that shape how we understand, form, and manage relationships throughout life. These attachment patterns influence emotional regulation, trust, and connection, providing a framework for understanding both secure and insecure relational dynamics across the lifespan.

THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE SELF by Daniel Stern—How Early Relationships Shape Identity

Daniel Stern’s theory explores how early nonverbal interactions with caregivers shape our sense of self and emotional regulation. Through affective attunement, infants develop trust, connection, and self-awareness, influencing how we relate to others throughout life. His work highlights the lasting impact of early relational experiences on emotional well-being.

MENTALIZATION by Peter Fonagy—Understanding the Mind Behind Behavior

Peter Fonagy’s theory of mentalization examines our ability to understand and interpret our own and others’ thoughts, emotions, desires, and intentions. Rooted in attachment theory, mentalization emerges through secure caregiver relationships, promoting emotional regulation, empathy, and social understanding.

The Double Empaty Problem: When Scientists Gets It Wrong and Hurts People

At one point, researchers concluded that autistic individuals lacked empathy because they believed autistic people struggled to "put themselves in another person's place." This contributed to harmful stereotypes and the mistreatment of autistic people. The research was later tested and dismissed due to flawed research design and weak argumentation.

The lack of understanding between people is not solely an autistic versus non-autistic issue. It often stems from differences in social norms and communication styles, which also occur between people from different cultures, backgrounds, and social classes. This phenomenon is now known as the Double Empathy Problem—the idea that misunderstandings arise from reciprocal communication challenges, not from deficits within one group.

Scientists have an ethical responsibility to reflect on the implications of their conclusions, especially when these conclusions deviate from established beliefs about human nature. No group of people should be categorized as inherently more or less empathetic than others. Making such claims not only reflects poor scientific judgment but also reveals a lack of empathy and ethical consideration on the part of the researchers themselves.

When scientists gets it wrong, it doesn't just produce bad data—it can reinforce stigma, shape discriminatory policies, and cause real harm to people’s lives.

ZONE OF PROXIMAL DEVELOPMENT by Lev Vygotsky—Bridging Potential and Learning Through Social Interaction

Lev Vygotsky’s concept of the Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD) is defined as the gap between what one can learn independently and what one can learn with assistance. The ZPD emphasizes the critical role of social interaction in cognitive growth, highlighting that learning is a social process that thrives on guidance and collaboration.

Comment—Science Gets It Wrong When It Assumes There Is a Typical Way of Learning

... comming up ...

THEORIES EXPLAINING AUTISM AND ADHD

The Predictive Brain Theory, Sensory Processing Differences Theory, Epigenetic Theories, the Social (Disability) Model, Intense World Theory, and Multifactorial and Interactional Models (Bio-Psycho-Social Approach).

Comment

I will sometimes make mistakes in my use of language or research that are not be fully inclusive of neurodivergent experiences. As I learn, I will strive to correct and improve.

Trauma-Informed Approach to Stress and complex PTSD: In the Modern Era of Chronic Stress

24 February 2025

Denmark lacks a cultural foundation for recognizing a trauma-informed approach due to historical and societal norms. I offer a new perspective on what stress and complex PTSD are, why they arise, how to avoid retraumatization, and where a trauma-informed approach should be applied.

Barrierer på jobmarkedet

8 February 2025

Arbejdsmarkedet i Danmark er præget af strukturelle barrierer og sociale normer, der gør det svært at finde og fastholde job, især for neurodivergente og personer med anderledes behov. Uigennemskuelige rekrutteringsprocesser, manglende inklusion og dårlig håndhævelse af antidiskriminationslove fører til stress, økonomisk usikkerhed og social eksklusion. Der er behov for handling for at sikre trygge arbejdsforhold og retfærdige muligheder for alle.

Belonging: The Joy of Deepening Connection

28 December 2024

"I’m about to share my most vulnerable reflections yet—about belonging, love, and the raw emotions that connect us all. Admitting how much I cherish the feeling of belonging fills me with a twinge of shame. I also feel shameful for writing about why I find both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships difficult. I think that most of us struggle, no matter what relationship type, because we find it so hard to feel vulnerable around others. We live in a culture that convinces us we are never enough and thereby misses to point: vulnerability is essential for connection, and connection is essential belonging.

Sanserne: Vejen til Belonging

7 November 2024

Sanserne er vejen til både følelser og tanker. Sanserne – samt hvordan kroppen og hjernen bearbejder dem – udgør grundstenen i neurodivergens. Vi har otte sanser og hele 150 typer af synæstesi. Jeg vil udforske, hvordan dette påvirker vores måde at være i verden på. Jeg vil også kort berøre begrebet "belonging"; sanserne er nemlig vejen til at føle os forbundet med verden og give os en dyb følelse af samhørighed.

De Otte Fællesmenneskelige Adrenalin- og Traumereaktioner

1 August 2024

Der er mange forestillinger om, at årsagen, til at neurodivergente mennesker opfører sig anderledes, skyldes en gennemgribende udviklingsforstyrrelse. Det er en myte. Jeg vil her beskrive de otte almenmenneskelige traumereaktioner mennesker udvikler, når de ikke bliver set på med kærlige øjne. Og som er den mest almindelige adfærd, vi ser hos både neurodivergente og neurotypiske mennesker, når øjnene, der ser, er i bedste mening.

Next Step, Bryd Myterne

19 Juli 2024

Efter en pause på tre måneder, hvor jeg har dykket ned i neurodivergens, skriver jeg om, hvordan neurodivergens er præget af myter, hvilket fører til stigmatisering. Jeg begynder fortællingen om, hvordan jeg sad i Sitges en tidlig morgen i april og fik tilbudt kokain, fordi der er mange fordomme og manglende viden. Jeg opfordrer til at bryde myterne og anerkende neurodiversitet som en naturlig del af menneskelig forskellighed.

Årets fødselsdagsbrev: 51 år og nu Neurodivergent Aktivist på Jagten efter Autencitet

28 April 2024

Jeg er neurodivergent. Fra mine tidligste erindringer har jeg vidst, at jeg tænkte, talte og handlede anderledes. Jeg undlod at søge en diagnose på grund af fordomme, der ikke passede til min oplevelse. Jeg er netop vendt hjem fra Barcelona og Sitges, hvor jeg genskrev min livshistorie, som for første gang giver mening. Her er mit fødselsdagskort, der fokuserer på neurodiversitet, arbejds- og privatliv samt fremtid.

Undersøgelse af Gaslighting og Ekslusion i LBGT+ Miljøet

Jeg skriver om, hvor ubehageligt jeg oplever LGBT-miljøet. Dertil undersøger jeg årsagerne bag, hvorfor små samfund ekskluderer mennesker, samt sætter spørgsmålstegn ved, hvorfor LGBT-miljøet skal være så ekskluderende. Til sidst opfordrer jeg til inklusion og accept af mangfoldighed og autensitet i LGBT-miljøet.

Meltdown in London City Airport

In 2006, I had a meltdown at London City Airport when my flight was canceled. I lost control and started kicking my bag and shouting, but was help by kind people. This episode reminded me of a similar episode when I was 10 years old, highlighting the fact that traumatic reactions can arise under intense and long-term stress, and that support and understanding from others are crucial to healing.

Hvorfor Skriver og Taler Jeg Engelsk?

Jeg udforsker, hvordan valg af sprog påvirker mine evne til at forstå mine indre tilstande og udtrykke mig selv, samt hvordan sprogskift er en strategi til at håndtere stress og overvældelse.

What is Neurodivergence?

I write about the misconceptions surrounding neurodivergence and highlight the diverse cognitive styles and problem-solving approaches of neurodivergent individuals. I talk about my personal experiences. And I end et by advocating for neurodivergence to be removed form diagnostic classification for greater inclusivity.

Historien Bag, Hvordan Jeg Lærte at Maskere

Jeg skriver om, hvordan jeg hvordan jeg lære at maskere for at undgå at blive følelsesmæssigt overvældet. Det gør jeg gennem episoder fra min barndom, hvor jeg reflekterer hvilke strategier jeg har anvendt for at håndtere mine følelser og sociale interaktioner – i min søgen efter frihed til at være mig selv.

The Nervous System, Connective Tissue, and Interoception

Interoception, the sense of internal body state, and the nervous system are closely intertwined, influencing emotions, cognition, and behavior. Additionally, the nervous system and connective tissue interact bidirectionally, affecting bodily functions and sensory perception. Overstimulation or trauma can cause the connective tissue to stiffen, triggering physiological responses. Dysregulation in interoceptive processing or the autonomic nervous system can lead to various health issues.

Things About My Autism

The text is about my personal experiences with autism. It covers various aspects such as heightened sensory perception, coping mechanisms like stimming, difficulties with social interactions and communication, and the internal struggle with masking and shame.

No More Masking

The text explores authenticity and the concept of masking, focusing on how individuals on the autism spectrum hide their true selves to fit societal norms. I look into the motivations behind masking and compare it to the false self as experienced by neurotypical individuals, emphasizing differences in the comprehension of social rules.

Sensitive, Intuitive, and Strong

The narrative essay provied a blend of personal experiences with sensitivity, intuition, and empathy from the perspective of an autistic individual.

What Kind of Autist Am I?

I reflect on what it means to have an social autism profile, and what the positive traits and challenges are.

My Childhood Muse: Communication and Connection

The story is my journey of learning to express myself and connect with others, reflecting on my journey from childhood experiences, struggles with communication, to growth through adulthood in workplaces, friendships, and relationships.

The Autist is the Canary in the Mineshaft

The article provides a blend of personal and professional perspectives on sensory challenges faced by individual with autism, drawing attention to parallels with non-autistic experiences, particularly in terms of sensory overload, the role of the connected tissue, and trauma. Additionally, it delves into personal healing strategies rooted in scientific understanding.

Why Empathy and Meaningful Connections Are Difficult for Everyone

One of the reasons I have never approached a diagnose as autistic is that the the narrative was that people with autism had no empathy and could not make meaningful connections. That was scary. But the fact of the matter is, learning to be empathic and create meaningful connections is difficult for everybody.

Without Judgment

The story revolves around the fear of being too sick to handle the job, finding relief in expressing emotions without judgment, and the importance of self-compassion.

Finding My Way Home

This is a personal journey exploring the pursuit of authenticity, navigating past challenges and coping strategies, and emphasizing the importance of seeking help without judgment in connection to publishing the blog.

Sunflower

A ‘personal reflective essay’ inspired by Hannah Gadsby’s show ‘Nanette’ with a touch of science, delving into themes of attachment, trust, and resilience, and the profound role of how sharing our stories fosters connection.

Hannah Gadsby and How I Got to Think I Am a Genuine Autist

This is a little story about how a one-hour walk made me consider myself a genuine autist, not just a pseudo-autistic person.

Jeg er Autist

Gennem livet er jeg blevet kaldt mange ting: sær, excentrisk, mærkelig, håbløs, anderledes og naiv. Dette er en personlig refleksion over, hvordan jeg oplever verden, og opfordrer til større forståelse og accept af neurodiversitet.

» Trauma-Informed Approach to Stress and complex PTSD:

In the Modern Era of Chronic Stress

24 February 2025

Denmark lacks a cultural foundation for recognizing a trauma-informed approach due to historical and societal norms. I offer a new perspective on what stress and complex PTSD are, why they arise, how to avoid retraumatization, and where a trauma-informed approach should be applied.

A lot has been written about stress and complex PTSD, but there are no clear descriptions of what these conditions look like in everyday life and what causes them. Additionally, there are no guidelines on how you communicate with people who is challenged with stress or PTSD, without the risk of retraumatizing them.

UNDERSTANDING STRESS AND COMPLEX PTSD: A NEW DEFINITION AND DEEPER INSIGHT

“Stress is a response that occurs when communication is delivered in a way where the demands presented contain conflicting messages (including norms and unspoken expectations) that cannot be fulfilled simultaneously, and where the messages change frequently (unclear intentions).

The stress response is an expression of a psychosocial pressure that leads to a (physical) hypotonic collapse in the nervous system and an emotional and mental breakdown of meaning (2nd and 3rd degree stress).

When an individual is in environments where they are constantly exposed to stress, fear, or helplessness, and where there is no possibility of escape, complex PTSD can develop (where the body's stress response is chronically activated and cannot switch off).”

– Taylor Jeppe, Psychotherapist & Bodyworker

Redefine and Uncover the Hidden Layers of Stress and Complex PTSD

The first time I read a definition of stress, it was by Bo Netterstrøm, a stress researcher, who stated: “There is an imbalance between the demands placed on a person and the individual's ability to meet those demands.” When I first encountered the definition of PTSD in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), it described PTSD as: “A response to a traumatic event outside the range of normal human experience.”

Both definitions only provided vague descriptions of the circumstances in which demands becomes too much. Neither answered two critical questions: Why does the demands exceed a person’s ability to cope? What happens in the person’s body when they cannot cope?

But equally important: Why does some people heal while others don’t?

Modern science has recently shown that trauma, stress, and complex PTSD are far more common than previously thought—arising from situations such as family violence, car accidents, intense medical treatments, loss of a loved one, bullying, and prolonged exposure to stressful situations, including chronic illnesses, financial instability, work-related stress, and academic pressures—and that the body has a natural ability to heal when the circumstances are right.

So, I developed a new definition by combining insights from Merete Branbjerg, who developed a relational trauma therapy with a body-focused approach, Nadja U. Prætorius, a lecturer in cross-cultural and social psychology, who offered a social perspective on modern trauma, and Gregory Bateson, an anthropologist and social scientist, who introduced the concept of double-bind communication, which provided insight into the psychological stress that arises when an person receives conflicting messages that cannot be resolved.

The purpose was to integrate what happens between people, what occurs inside a person's body when they experience stress, and how stress can evolve into complex PTSD.

Physical and Emotional Manifestations of Stress and Complex PTSD

In cases of severe stress or complex PTSD, a person experiences a breakdown in the body's natural self-regulation—dysautonomia of the nervous system—meaning the body can no longer pendulate between activity and rest, making it difficult to return to a state of calm

Physically, this manifests as a faster and stronger heartbeat, an inability to properly exhale carbon dioxide (not due to hyperventilation), severe muscle tension—particularly around the eyes, jaw, neck, and along the spine leading, among other things, leading to dental problems—dilated pupils, visual disturbances such as wandering eyes and shimmering vision, stomach issues, a buzzing sensation in the skin and trembling, becoming very cold or warm, and sweating, often with a strong odor as a result.

These physical responses lead to intense physical pain, poor sleep, sensory hypo- and hypersensitivity—including sensitivity to sounds, light, smell, and touch—as well as difficulty concentrating, resulting in hypervigilance, brain fog, and thoughts going in loops. They experience a sense of disconnection from themselves and their surroundings, and their emotions seem to take on a life of their own—irritability, anger, helplessness, confusion, and panic attacks arise suddenly and without control.

They react to even small triggers and attempt to over-adapt to avoid conflicts, creating a feeling of shame and of being less worthy. They struggle to trust themselves and others, have difficulties forming relationships, and withdraw from social situations.

The difference between stress and complex PTSD lies in whether or not you start to get better when you are removed from the situation that caused the stress. For those with complex PTSD, removal from the stressful situation is not enough, as the body remains in a state of chronic dysregulation.

To put it in everyday words: Because you have been under unreasonable pressure that you felt unable to escape, your nervous system collapsed, making it impossible for you to regulate your body and mind—your homeostasis is completely out of whack.

The best way to describe the state a person is in is that it feels like having a terrible hangover 24/7. Sometimes, it feels like you've just had a shot of schnapps; other times, it feels like you've downed an entire bottle of vodka—and it changes within the same day.

When you meet a person is in a state of high stress, the first priority is to provide first aid and stop the "accident," avoiding any actions that add to the trauma.

BUILDING TRUST AND SAFETY: THE ESSENTIALS OF A TRAUMA-INFORMED APPROACH

When your talk to someone in a high alert state, it is crucial not to add to their trauma by minimizing or dismissing their experience, ending up retraumatizing the person.

A trauma-informed approach involves recognizing the widespread impact of trauma and understanding potential paths for recovery. It emphasizes creating a safe, supportive, and empowering environment for individuals who have experienced trauma. The approach integrates knowledge about trauma into policies, procedures, and practices to avoid retraumatization and promote healing.

Key Principles of a Trauma-Informed Approach

• Safety: Ensuring physical and emotional safety for individuals—This includes creating a welcoming and trustworthy environment.
• Trustworthiness and Transparency: Building and maintaining trust through clear, consistent, and transparent communication.
• Peer Support: Utilizing shared experiences to promote recovery and provide a sense of connection and understanding.
• Collaboration and Mutuality: Fostering a sense of partnership and equality in relationships—whether between professionals and clients or within teams.
• Empowerment, Voice, and Choice: Supporting individuals' autonomy and helping them regain control over their lives and decisions.
• Cultural, Historical, and Gender Sensitivity: Recognizing and respecting diversity and addressing historical and cultural trauma.

Where to Apply a Trauma-Informed Approach

• In the Workplace: Promoting a culture of empathy and support, offering mental health resources, and ensuring policies do not inadvertently trigger trauma responses.

• In Unions, A-Kasse, and Job Centers: Addressing unemployment-related stress, providing individualized guidance, and creating safe, supportive environments.

• In Education: Creating safe learning environments where students feel valued and supported, implementing strategies to help manage stress and trauma responses.
• In Healthcare: Understanding a patient's trauma history, adapting treatment plans, avoiding triggers, and promoting healing.
• In Therapy: Using therapeutic methods that prioritize safety, grounding techniques, and validating the individual's experiences without judgment.

THE CULTURAL SILENCE: WHY DENMARK LACKS A TRAUMA-INFORMED APPROACH

In Denmark, there is no tradition of a trauma-conscious approach. The cultural narrative of being the happiest country in the world with high equality has blinded us to our historical imperialism, colonialism, and the occupational culture that persists today—such as in the Kingdom of Denmark's relationship with Greenland.

Denmark’s peasant society and manor culture (DK: bondekultur og herregårdskultur) emphasized tradition, stability, and skepticism towards change. Historically, Danish culture has marginalized women, servants, the poor, bankrupts, fools, criminals, and foreigners (DK: Fruentimmere, Folkehold, Fattige, Fallenter, Fjolser, Forbrydere og Fremmede), the seven groups that were excluded from political participation when the Constitution was established in 1849.

In 2025, people under guardianship (DK: mennesker under formynderskab) still do not have the right to vote, and a growing number of people with foreign parents also lack the right to vote.

This systemic marginalization has created a societal understanding where "it is best not to stand out", making it very difficult to break with existing power structures and norms. This cultural backdrop often means that trauma and its effects are not recognized, hindering healing and growth at both individual and societal levels.

This has severe implications for children who struggle in schools, young people who struggle to complete their education and enter the job market, and individuals falling out of the job market—all struggling economically to make ends meet, which ultimately affects their physical and mental health.

WHEN NEURODIVERGENCE MEETS TRAUMA: RETHINKING DIAGNOSES AND STRESS RESPONSES

There are many misconceptions about what neurodivergence is. When we examine diagnostic manuals, there is a significant overlap between different diagnoses. This reveals several insights, including that researchers and professionals does not understand what they are observing.

What stands out to me is that trauma, stress, and complex PTSD are underlying factors that reappear across diagnoses. This seems self-evident, because when you are struggling to make yourself understood but are consistently dismissed by those around you, you naturally become stressed.

Autism: Stress or Neurodivergence?

Let me give you an example with autism. Autism is often defined by a tendency to withdraw from one's surroundings. But is this withdrawal due to being autistic, or is it a natural response to being overwhelmed, which is a sign of stress?

Anyone who has experienced illness knows that social interaction can feel overwhelming, leading to a desire to withdraw. Therefore, my perspective is that the need to withdraw from surroundings is not a uniquely autistic trait, but rather a universal human response.

The reason it occurs more frequently among autistic people is that they are often overwhelmed for many different reasons, which increases the need to retreat.

ADHD: Attention Disruption or Misalignment?

Another example is ADHD. ADHD is often characterized by attention disruption (DK: opmærksomhedsforstyrrelse). Again, is this due to having ADHD, or is it because of having to approach tasks in a way that does not align with how you naturally function—for example, working best in short, intense sprints?

Anyone who is forced to work against their natural style experiences attention disruption. Therefore, my perspective is that attention challenges are not a uniquely ADHD trait, but rather a universal human response, caused by not being allowed to operate in a way that suits one's natural rhythm.

Final Thoughts

In one sense, we are all wired in the same way: we all have a body and a brain that constantly attempt to adapt to our surroundings. And in another sense, we each have different spiky profiles, unique to ourselves—nature has no one-size-fits-all. When we do not seem to adapt to our surroundings, we need to look into what function a behavior is trying to serve.

Since we, as a human species, rely on one another, we become terribly stressed when we are not accepted by others for who we are. What is considered acceptable behavior is constantly changing, and this has put a lot of people under pressure these days—not solely due to being neurodivergent, but as a natural human reaction to adversity from the people around us. In the end, creating trust and a sense of safety is not just a part of a trauma-informed approach—it is the foundation for helping everyone, neurodivergent or not, thrive in an ever-changing world.

» Belonging:

The Joy of Deepening Connection

28 December 2024

I’m about to share my most vulnerable reflections yet—about belonging, love, and the raw emotions that connect us all. Admitting how much I cherish the feeling of belonging fills me with a twinge of shame. I also feel shameful for writing about why I find both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships difficult. I think that most of us struggle, no matter what relationship type, because we find it so hard to feel vulnerable around others. We live in a culture that convinces us we are never enough and thereby misses to point: vulnerability is essential for connection, and connection is essential belonging.

The very first time I heard Brené Brown, the famous researcher on shame and vulnerability, speak in her TED Talk, I Just loved her. She spoke about being a Texan with the family motto “Lock and Load”. She admitted, “You know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability… I’m going to totally deconstruct shame, I’m going to understand how vulnerability works, and I’m going to outsmart it”. That was me 12 years ago!

“To love is to be vulnerable … And there is an increasing number of people in the world today

that is not willing to take that risk.

They will never know love, then to know hurt or grief, and that is a huge price to pay.

Belonging—we are wired for love; we are hardwired for belonging; it’s in our DNA.”

– Brené Brown, Researcher on courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy

Fast forward to the conclusion: love is what makes life worth living. I never thought I would say such (true) fucking bullshit.

Belonging is the most difficult feeling to grasp, despite the fact that our survival as a human species and our ability to thrive depend on our sense of connection to people and our community.

We live with so many taboos, and we need to drop the bullshit because it only disconnects us from ourselves and each other. If I were a comedian, I would have wrapped this message with humor and lightness, but I’m not. So, brash honesty will have to do.

We need to belong to ourselves so we can feel belonging with others. To do that, we need to belong to our community—our parents, siblings, children, friends, colleagues, and partners in crime. We need to feel we belong to a family, whether by blood or by choice, that sees us for who we truly are and let us see them for who they truly are.

To feel true belonging with others, we must be able to feel vulnerable and to connect.

VULNERABILITY

Vulnerability is about opening yourselves up and show your true self. It’s about having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.

“Vulnerability is the emotion that we experience during times

of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

– Brené Brown

Vulnerability is the foundation of both connection and belonging. It takes courage to show up as your authentic self, but only through this risk can we create meaningful connections. Without it, we build emotional walls that blocks the deep, meaningful connections we crave.

Vulnerability is the core center of hard emotions: fear, grief, scarcity, and shame. The foundation of vulnerability is shame. Brené Brown describes shame as: “the feeling you would experience if you walked out of a room with people who know you, and they started saying such hurtful things about you that you don’t know that you can ever face them again”. Shame is the fear of disconnection—that gnawing question: Is there something about me, if others knew or saw it, would make me unworthy of connection?

We live in a vulnerable world, one where we are raised to believe that we are not enough. As a consequence, we are scared of seeing vulnerability in other people, and as a result, we try to protect ourselves by numbing our emotions. We armor up to stay protected.

No one wants to talk about shame, yet the less you talk about it, the more you have it. And you have two options when it comes to vulnerability: you do vulnerability, knowingly, or vulnerability does you.

You see, the problem with the amor is that you can’t selectively numb your emotions—when you numb the painful ones, you also numb joy, gratitude, happiness, and love.

CONNECTION

Connection happens when vulnerability is reciprocated and understood. When two people engage in open, empathetic, and meaningful interactions, they form a bond. Connection is about feeling seen and valued, and it grows out of mutual vulnerability. Meaningful bonds are form when vulnerability is met with empathy and understanding. In turn, connection fosters a profound sense of belonging.

“Connection is the energy that exits between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued:

when they can give and receive without judgment;

and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

– Brené Brown

Yet, because we live in a vulnerable world, we pretend that our actions and emotions don’t affect others. But that is the surest path to disconnection. In the absent of connection, love and belonging there is always suffering.

People who live wholehearted have a deep sense of worthiness. They possess the courage to be imperfect and the compassion to be kind to themselves and others. As a result, they are authentic and willing to let go of who they think they should be in order to be who they truly are. This willingness is essential for forming connections. They believe that what made them vulnerable is what makes them beautiful. They don’t talk about vulnerability as comfortable—they simply acknowledge it as necessary.

Rabbit trail—Stonewalling at work

While vulnerability fosters connection, its absence can lead to behaviors like stonewalling—both in personal and professional settings. Stonewalling, a stark manifestation of disconnection, has been a recurring challenge in my professional life. These experiences remind me that true belonging is not just about being seen—it’s about genuinely being valued and included for who you are.

Danish culture is blunt, shaped by the belief that we live in a small, egalitarian society where everyone is alike. While this fosters a sense of shared identity, it also creates an aversion to difference. People who deviate from the norm are often met with avoidance or exclusion, a phenomenon I’ve frequently encountered in the form of stonewalling.

I’ve experienced stonewalling many times throughout my professional life. I’ve had meeting invitations ignored, leaving me waiting for people who never showed up. My questions were deflected, and others have outright refused to talk about mistakes. I’ve been being excluded from crusial information, avoided through lack of eye contact, and even witnessed physical withdrawal as others disengaged entirely.

Studies shows that when adults encounter someone who is emotionally non-reactive, it makes them feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, or even anxious.

We are naturally wired for empathy and social connection. Mirror neurons in the brain help us respond to others' emotions by “mirroring” them internally. This is a fundamental part of how we relate to one another.

What people don’t know is that when we try to hide our emotions, we activate the dorsal vagal system of our nervous system, suppressing our facial expressions to appear as still as possible. This signals that we have stopped being curious of the other person because we’ve disengaged from our social nervous system.

I sense it every single time, and it always freaks me out—sometimes to the point of panic. Coping feels impossible because cultural norms restrict what I’m socially “allowed” to say and do in these situations. I have been raised to believe that I should not take things personally. So, if I address it directly, I risk being seen as rude, especially since the other person often thinks they’ve hidden their response well. I have never been in a workplace where there has been psychological safety to address disagreements and to repair connections—It’s a profound cultural problem in Denmark.

BELONGING

A sense of belonging emerges when those connections affirm your worth and authenticity. Belonging to yourself—achieved through self-acceptance—must come first, as it allows you to be vulnerable with others. True belonging arises when connection is both authentic and consistent. It requires mutual acceptance and the courage uphold your values while allowing yourself to be truly seen by others. Belonging happens when you feel connected, not because you’ve conformed, but because you’ve been accepted for who you truly are.

“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply

that you can share your most authentic self with the world

and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness.

True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are.”

– Brené Brown

We are hardwired to belong, it’s in our DNA. Feeling that we belong gives purpose and meaning to our life.

Vulnerability is emotional risk, exposure, and uncertainty—it is your most accurate measure of courage. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable means letting yourself be seen and being honest. Vulnerability, you see, is also the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.

Connection happens when vulnerability is reciprocated and understood. When we are brave enough to be vulnerable, we connect on a deeper level. It’s in that connection that we find belonging—both to ourselves and to the world.

You see, it all boils down to this: love is what makes life worth living.

Rabbit trail—Down Childhood Lane of Belonging

I’m reminded of my own experiences as a child, navigating feelings of connection and disconnection. Reflecting on my childhood, I see how these formative moments taught me the value of community.

As a child, I felt disconnected from the world. Being neurodivergent, my nervous system was constantly overwhelmed—both sensorially and emotionally. Yet, at the same time, I felt connected to my community, which gave me a sense of belonging and that made me feel well-liked. I could spend hours wandering around, going places, talking to people, and feeling welcomed wherever I went.

I remember one of the places where I lived had unusually tall basements—so tall that the windows were just as high as me. In some of the basements, small communities would gather around share interests, like sewing or woodworking. If people were there, I’d go down and talk to them. They were always friendly and eager to share what they were working on with me.

I don’t know if the 1980s were still shaped by the post-war spirit of World War II—a time when people sought out community, gathering together to roast marshmallows around a fire—or it was simply that the market-driven individualization we know today hadn’t yet convinced us that we should be “enough” on our own. It feels like modern narrative and fairy tales have left us struggling between two ideals: finding belonging within ourselves or conforming to fit in and finding belonging within our community.

For many years, I believed that belonging to myself was enough. I didn’t realize what I was missing. I had never truly been alone—I was always part of a community: family, partners, friends, schoolmates, coworkers, or people I met through shared interests. But I didn’t notice the deeper truth. I am only capable of truly belonging to myself when I am part of a community that sees me, and where I can see them in return.

My early experiences taught me that belonging is not just about self-sufficiency but about being part of a community that sees and accepts you.

Rabbit trail—My Identity and Connection to a Community as an Adult

My childhood experiences gave me a foundation for understanding belonging, but as I grew older, I realized that belonging isn’t static—it evolves as our identities do. For me, finding belonging as an adult meant navigating my neurodivergence and queer identity in a world that often felt alien to me.

Although I’ve always had a sense of who I was, I’ve never felt I had a clear identity throughout my life. I don’t understand the concept of man and women, nor heterosexuality or homosexuality. I don’t understand the heteronormative world, and so I’ve lived in opposition to society. But living in opposition does not create an identity that I can feel connected to, and with that disconnection comes shame of not being enough.

Over the past six months, I’ve been talking with many different people who share one thing in common: they are neurodivergent queers who don’t see themselves reflected in a heteronormative setting. And for the first time, I’ve started to see myself in my own right—not just as in opposition to society. I see people like me, though expressed in countless colors of gender, sexuality, sexual practices, and relationships.

I feel like a Rubric’s Cube—after years restless tossing and turning, my sides are finally started to align, revealing a clearer picture of who I am. I am no longer choosing to be myself in opposition to others but simply embracing myself, with my unique shapes and colors.

One thing I’ve struggled with about myself is that I smile—a lot. I’ve often felt out of place because of this. I don’t like the stereotype of lesbians who don’t smile. This connects to something called the “still face problem”. If you’ve heard of it, it’s based on an experiment from the 1970s designed to observe how infants respond to social interactions when caregivers suddenly stop showing emotional engagement. The results were clear: When the caregiver shows no facial expression, it instills fear in the child. Children need healthy emotional and social connections to thrive. Recent studies show that, from as early as four month old, infants are highly attuned to facial expressions, and a lack facial expression makes it harder for them to navigate the world.

In the lesbian world, however, a non-smiling face signals seriousness and control. As a top, I’ve felt and expectation to embody that stereotype—to be the dominatrix who takes pleasure in humiliating and inflicting pain. But that’s not me.

I am a top, but those expectations clash with my internal state. I love to smile and laugh. And yes, I do enjoy inflicting pain and making you feel exposed—but in a caring, consensual way. I do it because I love seeing someone smiling.

Finding a community allowed me to truly find myself. It taught me that we are nothing without each other.

MONOGOMOS AND NON-MONOGOMOS RELATIONSHIPS

I am going to be bluntly honest in the chapter, and you are not going to like it—because my intention is to provoke you.

I’ve spoken to many people about the topic of open relationships, including non-monogamy, polyamory, and ethical non-monogamy. One friend, in particular, was especially helpful to talk to because I could explore both my fear and curiosity without being judged. This gave me the opportunity to investigate why certain aspect of non-monogamous relationships worried me.

About 15 years ago, I investigated the poly, swinger and tantra communities to see if there were alternative ways of being in a relationship. My conclusion at the time was that most people I encountered were self-centered, with an egocentric focus on their own needs and little empathy or compassion for the people they were involved with.

However, one person stood out. They looked like, sounded like, and acted like they genuinely cared for the people in their life. They were conscious of how their behavior impacted others. They had a down-to-earth way to talk about their relationships with empathy. Today, I would say that they seemed to belong to themselves, had clear boundaries, and strong communication skills, which enabled them to include more than one person in their life in a healthy way.

To be clear, I don’t see monogamous people act much differently, just so you know. They simply tell themselves—and others—a different story. As Esther Perel puts it, the real question isn’t whether a relationship is monogamous or non-monogamous, but rather choosing the kind of relationship you want to live in. After all, infidelity happens in both types of relationships. Perel explains it this way:

“You don’t want to leave your partner,

but you want to leave the person you’ve become.

And it is not because you’re looking for another person;

you are looking for another self

or reconnect with parts of yourself that have gone dormant for decades.”

– Esther Perel, Psychotherapist

My thoughts on relationships—monogamous or non-monogamous—are far from settled. The answer is deeply personal and nuanced, shaped by my experiences and evolving understanding of vulnerability, connection, and belonging. My friend described this process as walking a path where you are leaving the old “stuff” from you backpack on the side of the road while at the same time picking up new things. Eventually, you find your way to a life surrounded by people who truly care about you—and who you truly care about in return.

Rabbit trail—Am I Monogamous or Non-Monogamous?

My thoughts on monogamy and non-monogamy are not simple. They’re shaped by my experiences, fears, and my evolving understanding of what it means to connect deeply with others. The answer, for me, isn’t binary—it depends on the people, the relationships, and the willingness to be vulnerable.

I’ve noticed that people I feel a deep connection and respect for—those with clear boundaries and strong communication skills—are the ones I could see myself being in a relationship with, whether it’s monogamous or non-monogamous.

I’ve also noticed something else, and admitting this feels so shameful in today’s modern society, were we are told we should all be “enough” in our own. My hesitation about entering a non-monogamous relationships come from a simple yet profound question: Do I trust that you’ll feed my cat when I’m traveling or visit me on the hospital If I’m sick? As Esther Perel would put it, this is the foundation of a secure bond.

I don’t think most non-monogamous people would do this. The irony of me writing this is that I don’t think it has much to do with being monogamous or non-monogamous relationship. It’s about whether someone has the extraordinary interpersonal skills to include more than one person in their life while still providing the care and love that every person deserves—whether as a partner, a lover, a fling, a friend, or something entirely different.

People in non-monogamous relationships forgets—or choose to overlook—the challenges. Balancing multiple connections is inherently difficult, requiring significant time, energy, and emotional resources—something often overlooked in non-monogamous relationships. And as I’ve written before, people are scared of seeing vulnerability in others. If you already live with a partner and children, you’re not going to move in with another partner. This creates an asymmetrical relationship, where the responsibilities and commitments are not equal. And with that point, you must ask: are you truly in a non-monogamous relationship, or are you simply having occasional lovers? Adding “ethical” in front of “non-monogamous” doesn’t automatically resolve these issues.

So, when I say “it depends”, It’s because I know I could be in either type of relationship. When I like someone, I really like them. But I would also have doubts. Would that person dare to truly see me and let me show them my vulnerabilities alongside my strengths? Would that person have the courage to show me theirs in return?

And this applies equally to monogamous and non-monogamous relationships—because at the end of the day, the need to belong is a profoundly human feeling.

Communication

It is so difficult to communicate, but vulnerability is the path back to each other. And to be honest, many of us were never taught how to have heartfelt, honest conversation where we can sit with our emotions without feeling the need to fiercely defend ourselves or surrender. Few of us know how to navigate talks or disagreements in a way that allows us to come back to each other without assigning blame or deciding who’s right or wrong; where there is space to feel shame.

But the good news is, we can learn.

Belonging starts with belonging to yourself first. It means speaking your truth, telling your story, and never betraying yourself for the sake of other people. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are, and that’s vulnerable.

The people who belong—who can break things apart and put them back together even stronger—are those who embrace honesty, authenticity, and the courage to keeping the conversation—and connection—alive. They are the ones I know I can share my life with.

Looking back, I realize love truly is what makes life worth living. I never thought I’d believe—or even say—something that feels both so cliché and so undeniably true—a reminder to embrace vulnerability, connection, and belonging with courage.

» Otte Fællesmenneskelige Adrenalin- og Traumereaktioner

1 August 2024

Der er mange forestillinger om, at årsagen, til at neurodivergente mennesker opfører sig anderledes, skyldes en gennemgribende udviklingsforstyrrelse. Det er en myte. Jeg vil her beskrive de otte almenmenneskelige traumereaktioner mennesker udvikler, når de ikke bliver set på med kærlige øjne. Og som er den mest almindelige adfærd, vi ser hos både neurodivergente og neurotypiske mennesker, når øjnene, der ser, er i bedste mening.

Vi ved ikke, hvilken del af neurodivergens der er medfødt (inherent og mechanics), hvilken blandede bolsjer af symptomer der præsenterer en diagnose (present), og hvad der er tillært, fordi vi tilpasser os vores omgivelser (conditioned). Hvad vi ved er, at vi udvikler stress og traumereaktioner, fordi vi prøver at tilpasse os vores omgivelser, og ender med at cirkulere rundt i fight, flight, freeze, flop, fawn, funster og fib (kamp, flugt, frys, opgivelse, behage, klovne og undvigelse), fordi kroppen instinktivt forsøger at beskytte sig selv mod farer.

“People start to heal the moment they feel heard.”

– Cheryl Richardson, Life Coach

Jeg kan ikke huske det meste af min barndom. Når jeg endelig kan huske noget, er det så intenst, at jeg har en ud-af-kroppen-oplevelse, hvor det føles som om mine sanser svæver omkring mig, som en stjerne der er eksploderet.

Jeg kan huske en helt almindelig skoledag i 2. klasse, hvor jeg bliver bedt om at gå på en streg på gulvet samtidig med, at jeg skal tælle til ti. Jeg forklarer grædende læreren, at jeg kan gå på stregen, og at jeg kan tælle til ti, og at jeg gerne vil gøre begge dele, men ikke på samme tid. Alle mine sanser skriger til mig. Jeg ser lærerens entusiastiske blik i et close-up, der prøver at overbevise mig om, at det vil være godt for mig; stregen på gulvet, børnene omkring mig, som sidder på gulvet og kikker op på mig; jeg mærker tårerne på minde kinder; jeg ser vinduerne ud mod skolegården. Jeg husker rædslen i frustrationen over ikke at kunne forklare, hvor svært det er at gøre det, jeg bliver bedt om, og ikke at blive lyttet til. Jeg endte med at løbe ud af lokalet og sætte mig i garderoben, hvor mit overtøj var. Jeg følte mig ensom og efterladt.

I en lang periode forlader jeg skolens område, fordi jeg ikke kan holde ud at sidde i garderoben. Det kan jeg kun huske det, fordi min mor var sur over, at hun ikke havde fået at vide, at jeg havde forladt skolen. For at undgå min mors vrede endte jeg med at sove i timerne.

Når jeg endelig kan huske noget fra min barndom, er det den følelse, jeg genkender: rædslen i frustrationen over ikke at føle mig set. Den følelsesmæssige rædsel over ikke at kunne forklare mig selv, ikke at kunne gøre mine behov tydelige for andre. Den følelsesmæssige rædsel over at for fortalt, hvordan jeg bør føle.

Og da jeg havde nået teenagealderen, havde jeg lært at dissociere min krop, følelser og tanker som en måde at undgår at blive overvældet – men jeg kunne heller ikke mærke mig selv.

Hverdagens små pålidelige gentagelser havde sat sine meget dybe spor.

NÅR DU BLIVER FREMMED FOR DIG SELV

Når du som barn ikke bliver set på udefra af kærlige øjne, får du svært ved at lære dig selv at kende som voksen. Faktisk bliver du en fremmed for dig selv, der ikke helt forstår, hvorfor du ikke fungere som alle andre – selv på et tidspunkt, hvor du faktisk ikke skal fungere som alle andre.

For alligevel at prøve at tilpasse dig, finder du strategier, som fremstår mere socialt acceptable.

FIGHT / KAMP

At kæmpe er at have en udadreagerende adfærd og er en måde for barnet at sige ”nej tak” eller ”be’ om” på. Som barn er dine sproglige kompetencer nemlig ikke udviklet, og du har heller ikke udviklet evnen til at mærke og udtrykker dine indre tilstande. Det er noget, du lære i sammenspil med de voksne i dine omgivelser og gennem andre børn.

Du kender fight-reaktionen, og særligt som pige lærer du meget hurtigt, at du ikke må kæmpe. Det er meget tydeligt, hvor uacceptabelt det er som pige at have en udadreagerende adfærd. Du bliver skampåført ved den mindste afvigelse, der ikke lever op til den sociale forestilling om den stille søde lille pige (traumereaktion).

Som voksen betyder det, at du får udfordringer med at mærke og udtrykke dine behov. Du får svært ved at være i konflikter – selv mindre uoverensstemmelser – i dine relationer og både at sige til og fra.

Igennem min barndom har jeg fået at vide, både direkte og indirekte, hvor lidt jeg tog hensyn til andre – særligt blikkene borer sig ind i mig selv den dag i dag – at jeg som voksen fanme nok skulle bevise, hvor ordentlig jeg var, til en sådan en grad, at jeg undgik konflikter for enhver pris – og jeg endte med hverken at være ordentlig overfor mig selv eller andre.

Det er faktisk trist at opdage, for jeg havde rigtig meget kraft og energi som barn. Og når jeg rejser alene – denne historie er skrevet i Berlin – kommer jeg i kontakt med min kraftfulde side og bliver mindet om, hvem jeg er som menneske.

Rabbit trail—Masking

Som neurodivergent lære du, at det er dit ansvar at håndtere andre menneskers følelser. Du lærer, at der er en stor kløft mellem din adfærd, dine oplevelser, dine behov og den måde du kommunikerer på, og at denne kløft bliver forstærket i dine relationer. Du får lært, at det er dit ansvar at bygge bro over kløften til den anden. Du får med andre ord lært at maskere, da din måde at opleve verden på, dine behov og din måde at kommunikere ikke bliver anerkendt. Der er ingen, der går over broen til dig.

Du lærer at maskere så godt, at du ikke engang ved, at du maskerer, men helt automatisk kører simulationsmodeller i dit hoved over samtlige interaktioner, toppet med for eksempel etiske modeller, du har med andre mennesker, at du ikke længere ved, hvordan du ikke skal maskere.

Du får lært at føle dig unsafe (utryg) omkring mennesker, og når du skal til at lære at maskere mindre, vil det være helt naturligt, at mennesker – måske for en tid – stadig trigger følelsen.

FLIGHT / FLUGT

Du kan ikke flygte som barn. Men når ting bliver for overvældende, har du brug for at kunne trække dig. Du kan trække dig fysisk og/eller mentalt fra dine omgivelser.

Jeg anvendte flugt som en måde fysisk at fjerne mig fra mine omgivelser og undgå at blive overvældet. Jeg var som barn ofte på ekskursion og undersøge mine omgivelser og tale med mennesker. Og så læste jeg rigtig meget – alt hvad jeg kunne få mine fingre i, som Familie Journalen – som en måde at flygte ind i min egen verden. Jeg isolerede mig fra omverdenen (traumereaktion).

Rabbit trail—Personlighed

Jaak Pansepp er forsker og har identificeret syv primære følelsesmæssige systemer – Seeking, Playful, Caring, Lust, Rage, Fear og Panic (Søgen, Legesyg, Omsorg, Lyst, Raseri, Frygt og Panik) – som kan genfindes som fem karaktertræk i personlighedsmodeller: åbenhed, samvittighedsfuld, ekstraversion, venlighed og neuroticisme.

Mit personlighedstræk er, at jeg er ekstrovert. Jeg kan faktisk rigtig godt lide mennesker (personlighed). Min sansemæssige profil gør, at jeg har brug for at dekomprimere for at bearbejde alt det, jeg oplever. Det betyder også, at jeg er nødt til at dyrke rigtig meget motion, for at fungere ellers fryser alle indtryk fast i min krop (neurodivergens).

Hvis jeg bliver overvældet, har jeg brug for at trække mig. Det kan blive tolket som, at jeg ikke kan lide mennesker. Det er meget fjernt fra virkeligheden, men kan blive læst som et bevis på, at jeg har en medfødt tilstand, vi kalder neurodivergent, og ikke et naturligt symptom på, at jeg har brug for at lade op. Desværre er det mennesker, som ikke er neurodivergente, der har fået lov til at sætte den label på neurodivergente mennesker.

Når jeg trives og føler mig tryg har jeg en høj grad af åbenhed, jeg er samvittighedsfuld og venlig. Jeg er med Pansepps ord Seeking, Playful, Caring og Lust, og jeg har lav grad af neuroticisme: Rage, Fear og Panic. Som det gælder for alle andre mennesker.

FREEZE / FRYS

Da du som barn ofte hverken kan kæmpe eller flygte, ender du ofte i en frys tilstand. Når du fryser, hæmmer du din adfærd, samtidig med at din hjertefrekvens falder på grund af en parasympatisk respons. Dine bevægelser bliver stive, da dine muskler spænder op, du hyperventilerer, din fordøjelse går i stå, dine sanser bliver skarpere, og du sveder mere. Det bidrager alt sammen til, at du bliver mere klodset. Det kaldes også et Dorsal Vagal Shutdown i fagsprog og kan med udefra sete øjne blive tolket som om, at du er klodset eller uresponsiv.

I mine tidlige år kæmpede jeg i større grad. Som jeg bliver ældre, blev jeg hurtigt rettet ind af mine omgivelser og mærkede, hvordan jeg anvendte frys som en måde til at tilpasse mig på. Jeg kunne mærke, hvordan mine lår stivnede, og jeg holdt vejret, mens mit indre var et stort kaos. Jeg udviklede et ”resting bitch face”, så mine omgivelser ikke kunne læse mig. Jeg bliver stadig så varm i perioder, at jeg går i t-shirt og skaljakke om vinteren. At gå i frys var en måde at undgå at gøre noget, som andre ville opfatte som forkert, og som en måde at undgå at blive gjort forkert på (traumereaktion).

Det er en super ubehagelig tilstand at være i, og du forsøger at finde andre strategier for at komme ud af den.

FLOP / OPGIVELSE

Når truslen og overvældelsen bliver for stor, oplever du et sammenbrud, hvor kroppen nærmest ”lukker ned”. Dine muskler bliver bløde, og din krop bliver slatten. Det er en automatisk reaktion, som kan reducere din fysiske smerte, og du dissociere, så du har svært ved at huske, hvad der er sket med dig. Det kaldes i fagsprog tonic immobilitet og kan med udefra sete øjne blive tolket som om, at du er naiv eller uselvstændig.

Det kaldes ofte fejlagtigt ”som sidste vej”, når kamp, flugt og frys ikke længere er muligt. Det mener jeg er forkert. Vi er sociale væsener, og opgivelse er naturlig mekanisme, når vi står i sociale situationer, vi ikke kan finde en passende reaktion på, som er inden for det vi tror er inden for den acceptable ramme.

Hvis du har set udsendelsen på DR ”Sexisme i musikbranche”, udviser mange af kvinderne flop fordi de ikke anede deres levende råd om, hvordan de skulle håndtere en situation, som de havde lært, de ikke måtte tages så tungt: de måtte ikke ødelægge den gode stemning – og så står man i en cach-22 og er på den.

Jeg har i min barndom og ungdom stået i mange situationer, som var så overvældende, at jeg kunne mærke, hvor bløde nogle af mine muskler i benene var, mens andre muskler kæmpede med at holde mig oprejst. Jeg dissocierede så slemt, at min krop holdt op med at skrige, og alt bliver stille (traumereaktion).

Som neurodivergent er du hele tiden på overarbejde med, hvad du må og ikke må. Det betyder også, at du nogle gange ender i situationer, hvor du ikke får sagt fra, fordi du ikke er blevet set udefra af kærlige øjne, som har lært dig selv at kende, og derfor ved, hvad dine behov er og hvordan du får givet udtryk for dem – måske ovenikøbet med kamp.

Igen er det en super ubehagelig tilstand at være i, og du forsøger at finde andre strategier for aldrig at komme ind i den.

FAWN / BEHAGE

Du fawner, når du udtrykker enighed, smigre eller imødekomme ”truslen” i overdreven grad, som du skulle have sagt fra overfor. Og nej, det behøves ikke at være vold, det er også alle de ”små” situationer, hvor du ikke giver udtryk for dine behov, men sætter en andens behov først. Du gør alt for at undgå konflikter. Denne strategi er særlig virksom for piger, da den passer ind i forestillingen om den søde stille pige.

Fordi jeg er blevet irettesat så mange gange igennem min barndom og dertil ikke har haft nogle kærlige øjne til at se mig og snakke med mig, er jeg blevet bange for konflikter. Jeg har lært, at du og jeg kan blive enige om én ting, og det er, at det alt sammen er min skyld.

Det betyder, at jeg hellere vil æde mig selv op, som en professionel cykelrytter på vej op af Mont Blanc i Tour de France, end at give udtryk for nogle som helst følelser, jeg måtte have (traumereaktion).

Jeg er et venligt og samvittighedsfuldt menneske (personlighed), som kan lide at gøre gode ting for andre. Min sansemæssige profil gør, at jeg har brug for at dekompresse for at bearbejde alt det, jeg oplever, før jeg nogle gange kan vende tilbage og give udtryk for mine behov (neurodivergens).

Rabbit trail—Relationer

”Ude af øje, ude af sind, altid i mit hjerte” er noget, som mange autister og/eller ADHD’ere kan genkende. Vi er gode til at være alene og beskæftige os med det, som interesserer os. Og vi er gode til at genoptage relationer, som var det i går, vi sås.

Sådan havde jeg det i mange år, indtil jeg fandt ud af, at det ikke var sandt.

Jo, jeg har altid været godt til at være alene. Jeg keder mig aldrig. Du kan bare se, hvor meget jeg skriver. Men hvad jeg havde overset var, at jeg det meste af mit liv, havde været omgivet af mennesker. Jeg har søskende, jeg studerede og arbejdede, jeg boede sammen med kærester og bofæller, havde naboer og fritidsinteresser. På den måde, var jeg aldrig alene, bortset fra når jeg havde brug for det. Fordi mine sanser hurtigt bliver overloaded, har jeg brug for tid til at dekompresse.

Der skal ikke mange mennesker til at fylde mig op. Det betyder også, at jeg ikke altid har været god til at udvikle og vedligeholde relationer. Det har ofte været sådan, at mennesker kom og mennesker gik, uden at jeg har tænkt over hvorfor. Indtil jeg for lidt over 10 år siden kikkede på min livshistorie og så et mønster, som jeg først i dag forstår til fulde.

Nok var jeg sammen med mange mennesker hele tiden, men jeg var ikke sammen med dem, jeg havde valgt til. Jeg var ikke sammen med mennesker, som havde samme værdier som mig, hvor gensidig respekt og kommunikation og interesse for hinanden var til stede. Jeg havde ikke valgt mennesker til, som gav mig energi at snakke med og være i selskab med. Mennesker, som jeg kunne lide at tale i telefon med og være stille sammen med. Jeg havde dybest set ikke valgt mennesker, som jeg følte mig trygge sammen med, og hvor jeg følte, at jeg kunne maskere bare lidt mindre.

Det er en stor fordom, at neurodivergente ikke skulle have brug for meningsfulde sociale og respektfulde relationer. Alle mennesker har brug for andre mennesker i deres liv. Alle mennesker har brug for at føle sig set og få lov til at se andre. Alle har brug for at give og føle kærlighed.

Udfordringen, når du er neurodivergente, er, at du kan være så overloaded, at du ender med fawne i mange af dine relationer, fordi du ikke magter at forholde dig til dem, du har. Omvendt kan du også ende med at trække dig fra dine relationer for at slikke dine sår alene, fordi du ikke magter at opsøge omsorg af frygt for at blive gjort forkert.

Nogle gange har du behov for at kunne ”snige” dig ud af en situation, hvor du ikke kan få dine behov opfyldt, uden af skulle fawne.

FUNK / AFVISENDE

Funk er en tilføjelse, jeg har lavet, som handler om, at i stedet for at du er overdreven imødekommende (fawning) eller klovnende (funster), kan du være afvisende som en måde at beskytte dig selv på.

Du kender sikkert de mennesker, der har et meget afvisende og hårdt ydre, måske i form af mange piercinger eller en lidt for stram nej-hat siddende omkring hovedet, så det ser ud, som om de ikke bekymre sig om andre. Formålet med funk er at beskytte sig selv mod at blive afvist for at være lidt for anderledes i forhold til de sociale normer og samtidig bevare så meget selvagens og autonomi som muligt.

Det er ikke en strategi, jeg bruger i dag, men i mine 20’ere og 30’ere var jeg langt mere tilbagetrukket og mindre imødekommende, end jeg er i dag. Når jeg ser tilbage, kan jeg se, hvor meget jeg kæmpede med at navigere i en verden, som jeg ikke oplevede kæmpede for at inkludere min anderledeshed.

Nogle gange har du behov for at kunne ”joke” dig ud af en situation, hvor du ikke kan få dine behov opfyldt, uden af skulle fawne.

FUNSTER / KLOVNE

Du kloner, når du laver sjov, bagatelliserer situationen eller er overdreven munter. Og det kan med udefra sete øjne blive tolket som om, du er robust, eller at du ikke tager tingene alvorligt.

Folk, der har mødt mig, ved at jeg er god for en joke. Jeg tror faktisk, det er den strategi, jeg mest anvender. Jeg bagatelliserer mange situationer med en joke. Jeg er så god til det, at jeg kan befinde mig i et shutdown og stadig smile. Det forvirrer mange mennesker, da de aldrig forstår, hvorfor jeg kan melde mig syg fra arbejde og stadig møde smilene op til en middag. Hvad folk ikke ser, er, at når jeg lukker døren, så ligger jeg i fosterstilling derhjemme. Jeg kan faktisk ligge i fosterstilling lige foran dig, uden at du opdager det. Jeg viser aldrig mennesker, hvad der i virkeligheden foregå inden bag scenen efter tæppefald, fordi jeg aldrig har haft mulighed for at udtrykke mine behov og blive kærlig mødt på dem (traumereaktion).

Jeg har en åben og nysgerrig tilgang til verdenen og kan godt lide at lave lidt sjov med den verden vi alle sammen beboer. Jeg elsker at lave lidt sjov med ord og give en kompliment, da der ikke noget bedre end at sende et kærligt smil på et andet menneskes læber (personlighed).

Jeg oplever, at jeg ser sammenhænge, som ingen andre ser, og at det giver mig et lille quirky indblik i verdenen, hvilket gør, at jeg helt sikkert ikke har samme humor som andre (neurodivergens) – I think I deal with paying by making jokes.

Hvis jeg bruger fib, så er jeg ude at skide. Det er min ”last line of defence”. Og den er skamfuld.

FIB / UNDVIGE

Når du fibber, prøver du at undvige en situation, du ikke føler, du kan komme ud af, og hvor du ender med at fabrikerer historier og måske ligefrem lyver for at undslippe situationen.

Mange børn, når de skal udvikle en mere moden selvregulering end kamp eller flugt, anvender fib. Udefra kan det se ud, som om de lyver, men de prøver i virkeligheden at sige det, de tror, de voksne gerne vil høre for ikke at føle sig forkerte. Når børn kæmper med ikke at føle sig forkerte, kan blive de så forvirret, at de selv har svært ved at finde ud af, hvad der er op og ned på deres historie, fordi de ikke for mulighed for sammen med en voksen at undersøge, hvad der er sket i en situation, og de kan ende med at fibbe endnu mere.

Jeg fibber ved at sige underlige ting, som vi vil kalde virkelig mærkelige og til tider upassende. Jeg lyver ikke, men jeg fortæller heller ikke sandheden om, hvad der sker i mig. Det er som regel kun noget, der sker, når jeg føler mig så ekstremt presset, at jeg ikke oplever at kunne finde bagdøren. Det er en måde at holde folk på afstand, så jeg undgår at føle mig forket – og ja, paradoksalt nok, ender med at føle mig forkert. Jeg oplever det som en form for kamp, men med bløde boksehandsker. Særligt den er farlig, fordi det er det tidspunkt, hvor det er tydeligst, at jeg ikke har givet udtryk for mine behov og har overtrådt mine egne grænser med syvmileskridt (traumereaktion).

Fib handler hverken om personlighed eller neurodivergens. Den er en reaktion på stress og trusler, som er så overvældende, at du prøver at fakte dig ud af situationen uden at kæmpe.

Rabbit trail—Dating

Dyr, der bliver fanget i en bjørnesaks, en fælde, er i stand til at gnave deres pote af for at overleve. Hvis du er i stand til at ”gnave din pote af”, dvs. disconnecte fra dine relationer, skal du spørge dig selv om, hvorvidt du i første omgang gik ind i en relation med det formål at bygge en følelsesmæssig connection, og hvis du gjorder, hvorvidt gav op og flygtede, fordi du ikke var i stand til at indgå i en ærlig dialog med den det menneske, som du stod overfor.

”Regardless of attachment style, trauma history,

or the context of the situation…

people who genuinely care about you…

care about how their actions impact you. Period.”

– Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick, Relationship & Intimacy Expert

Jeg har gnavet min pote af så mange gange igennem mit liv, at jeg ved, at jeg ikke har lavet den indsats at bygge en følelsesmæssig connection med et menneske, hvis jeg ikke oplever, at det gør ondt at disconnecte. Årsagen er, som jeg skriver længere oppe, at jeg generelt føler, at mennesker ikke er trygge, så jeg har ikke erfaring med at kunne vise andre mennesker, hvem jeg virkelig er, uden at smide min maske.

I den moderne swipe kultur er det blevet almindeligt, at rigtigt mange mennesker ikke indgår i en reel relation med den intention at bygge en følelsesmæssig connection. Det bliver ofte skrevet som en brug og smid væk kultur. Det vil jeg nok ikke kaldet det. Men faktum er, at rigtig mange mennesker ikke laver den indsat at bygge en dyb dialog, når vi mærker kemi med et andet menneske. Og lige så snart, noget i relationen ikke lever op til vores Disney-forestillinger om, hvad vi tror en relation er, flygter vi, i stedet for at tage dialogen og høre og mærke, hvad der sker i den anden og os selv. Jytte Vikkelsøe siger, at hvis vi ikke tør udfordre os selv igennem et andet menneskes øjne, kommer vi ikke ned i de dybder, hvor vi lærer os selv bedre at kende. Vi skal være bevidste om, hvad vores egne dybeste håb og længsler er, og turde leve dem, turde kræve dem, turde stå frem og turde bede om det, for at sikre et rigt liv. Og det skal vi turde gøre sammen med et andet menneske, der tør det samme.

Dette gælder ikke kun vores intimrelationer; det gælder i alle vores relationer, også venskaber – vi gør ikke en indsats følelsesmæssige connections. Når vi >bare< kan swipe videre, behøver vi ikke at beskæftige os med ubehaget i os selv. Og vi har ubehag i alle relationer; det er en del af at være menneske. Spørgsmål er bare, hvor parate vi er til at bygge relationer, hvor behaget er større end ubehaget, og vi giver plads til, at kærligheden kan vokse.

ÅRSAG OG VIRKNING

Alle mennesker cirkulerer i de otte adrenalin- og traumetilstande som en måde at regulere vores kroppe på, når vi interagerer med andre mennesker. For eksempel laver vi alle et lille frys, når vi holder os tilbage fra at afbryde en samtale. Det svarer til en meget blød opbremsning af nervesystemet, der ikke lukker vores sociale nerve ned (den polyvagale teori), og vi fortsætter med at fungere og have autonomi over os selv.

Selvom jeg skriver med neurodivergent briller, oplever mennesker, der ikke er neurodivergent, også de traumereaktioner, jeg beskriver. Det er helt almindelige reaktioner på noget, som er for meget, forlænge og for hårdt.

Det er utroligt svært at skelne adfærd (present) mellem, hvad der er medfødt (inherent) og hvad der er tillært, fordi vi lærer at tilpasse os vores omgivelser (conditioned). Og den forskning, der har været lavet, har været baseret på observationer af mennesker uden at spørge de observerede mennesker, hvad de følte, og forskerne selv har ikke oplevet følelsen indefra. Dette skaber et stærkt etisk problem i forskningen.

Neurodivergens kan koges ned til to ting: forskellen i måden, vi sanser verdenen på, og forskellen i måden, vi bearbejder informationer og lærer på, dvs. tænker. Dertil kan lægges traumer.

I mit tilfælde sanser jeg verdenen anderledes. Jeg har så mange sansesammenblandinger (synestesi og multimodal), at jeg bliver helt rundtosset. Det ved jeg, fordi de fleste mennesker jeg snakker med, ikke fortæller historier om deres sanser, som jeg kan genkende, og fordi jeg har læst og hørt rigtig mange beskrivelser fra stærke neurodivergent mennesker, som formidler oplevelser, som jeg kan genkende.

Jeg tror, at fordi jeg sanser stærkt, så bearbejder jeg informationer og lærer på en anden måde, end jeg igennem livet har oplevet, andre mennesker gør. Mange af dem, jeg har arbejdet sammen med, synes at kunne ”nøjes” med mundtlige beskeder, hvor jeg har brug for at se det visuelt. Jeg plejer at sige, at min læring er: See one, doe one, then improvise, be creative and change the fucking shit.

Det har altid været pinefuldt for mig, at jeg lærer ved at kopier andre, fordi vi i samfundet har en social regel om, at så er jeg uselvstændig. Jeg har lært ved at læse om nogle af verdens bedste neurodivergente sportsudøvere, at det er lige præcis den metode, de anvender. De ser noget, og så perfektionere de det, de ser.

Prøv at læs Temple Grandin’s bog Visual Thinking. Jeg har været meget overraske over, hvor meget hendes måde at tilgå verdenen på ligner min, bortset fra at hun er visuel objektiv tænkende, og jeg er visuel spatiel tænkende.

I de samtaler, jeg har haft med mennesker på mine rejser til Spanien, Schweitz og Tyskland de seneste fire måneder, har jeg været dybt overrasket over, at det meste adfærd (symptomer), jeg observerer hos både neurotypiske og neurodivergent mennesker, er traumereaktioner, som i nogle tilfælde er udviklet til kompleks PTSD. Deres adfærd skyldes altså ikke, at de er neuro-noget-som-helst.

Hvis jeg endelig skal sige noget, så oplever jeg, at personligheden i langt højere grad beskriver de mestringsstrategier, folk ”vælger”. Dertil er der en vis tillært strategi, hvor folk har taget livsbeslutninger, som på godt og ondt, har hjulpet dem videre i livet.

Min personlighed er, at jeg er nysgerrig. Og en af mine livsbeslutninger var ikke at lytte til folk for at kunne forblive nysgerrig; ellers var jeg blevet hjemme under dynen. Det var en beslutning på godt og ondt fordi, fordi selvfølgelig bestræbte jeg mig på at tilpasse mig, ”and lost myself”.

HVORFOR KAN VI IKKE SKELNE MEDFØDT FRA TILLÆRT?

Når de forklaringer, vi får af professionelle fagfolk, er tæt nok på en følelse, vi kan genkende, overgiver vi os til forklaringen i mangel af bedre. Også selvom den er forkert.

De labels og den litteratur, der bliver sat på mennesker, som er neurodivergente, som autister og ADHD’ere, er skrevet af allistiske mennesker og minder om manualer, man bruger på hunde. Nop, det var faktisk ikke mig, der satte ord på det, det var super cool neurodivergent ressourcer, der med sine små reels virkelige formår at spidde samtlige myter om, hvad det vil sige at være AuDHD.

Det kan jeg genkende i den første tid efter, jeg begyndte at undersøge og forholde mig til, hvad det betød at være neurodivergent. Vi får fortalt, at autister og ADHD’ere er naive, fordi vi ikke kan læse og forstå de sociale situationer. Og den fælde faldt jeg i: jeg var en loyal golden retriever, der blev siddende ved sin ejers fødder, ligegyldigt, hvor meget jeg blev slået.

Paradokset med den forklaring er, at vi rent faktisk har forstået, at det, der sker omkring os, ikke giver mening. For eksempel at man siger ja til løsninger på arbejdspladser, som helt åbenlyst ikke skaber bundlinjeresultater – og ja, understøttet af forskningen. Så nej, jeg bliver sgu da ikke uselvstændigt siddende som en hund og bliver slået. På et tidspunkt vender jeg mig lige så stille om og går min vej. Eller som jeg har prøvet flere gange i mit liv; gnaver min pote af. Og ja, jeg skal lære at kæmpe for mig selv noget mere fremover.

Fordi vi er sociale væsener, har vi mennesker en evne til at tilpasse os situationer, som ikke er gode for os. Det er uafhængig af om vi er neurodivergent eller ej. Derfor skal vi lade være med at anvende forklaringsmodeller på én type mennesker, som i virkeligheden er almenmenneskelige egenskaber og adfærd.

Det er smertefuldt at blive fortalt, at du er forkert.

BØRN I DAG

Rigtig mange børn oplever skoleværing i dag. De bliver identificeret som neurodivergente og får mentale udfordringer oven i.

Det er ikke svært for mig at se, hvad der går galt. Jeg er mig selv meget bevidst om, at var jeg født i det samfund, vi har i dag, havde jeg ikke fem uddannelser i ryggen og de første 100 kurser og konferencer om ting og sager, man ikke vidste, det var værd at vide noget om.

Der er meget fysisk kaos i skolen. Der er krav om, at vi kun kan problemløse på én måde, krav om at vi kun kan være til fysisk stede på én måde, krav om at bruge rigtig mange digitale platforme, som er super-dårligt-designet, og krav om at bevare overblikket i en kompleks verden.

Når du er blot 15 år og skal læse videre, skal du have styr på, hvor du skal få penge fra, hvor du skal bo, hvordan du betaler regninger, hvordan du lever op til reglerne for uddannelse og hvor du finder gode relationer. Nogle børn og unge har forældre, som kan støtte op om den proces, andre har ikke. Dertil kommer, at de udfordret af, at de fagprofessionelle bliver undervist i et gennemsnitsmenneske med en gennemsnitsudvikling, og det gør, at børn udvikler traumer, som de tager med ind i voksenlivet.

Jeg får lyst til at skrige fra bunden af mit hjerte: for helvede, det sgu ikke rimeligt! Vi snakker om børn. De er super kompetente mennesker, men du lærer sgu ikke at blive et helt menneske på 15 år.

En ud af fem er neurodivergent. Halvdelen af generation Z identificerer sig helt eller delvist som neurodivergent. Det giver god mening for mig, for der er ikke én måde at sanse verdenen på, og der er ikke én måde at tænke på. Der er mange.

Vi er som samfund nødt til at lære, at udvikle rummelighed over for forskellige måder, at være til i verdenen på. Vi er alle forskellige og fortjener respekt.

Rabbit trail—Survival of the nurtured

Det hedder ikke ”survival of the fittest” som stærkeste, men ”survival of the nurtured” som nærede. Mennesket er det mest ufærdige og hjælpeløse af alle dyrebørn. Vi er den art, der er længst tid afhængig af vores forældre for at overleve, og vores evne til at tænke abstrakt er først færdigudviklet i slutningen af vores 20’ere. Vi overøser vores børn med kærlighed, omsorg og beskyttelse for at sikre, at vores børn får de bedste muligheder i livet. Det gør vi, fordi at det kun er, at når vores børn er rolige – og ikke befinder i kamp eller flugt – at de kan udforske og lære. Det er, når vi er trygge og rolige, at vores sociale system fungerer, og vi trives.

Af samme årsag er vi en social art, hvor social kapital er vigtig, og hvor vores evne til at connecte er essentiel for vores overlevelse og velvære. De mennesker, som udviser størst grad af compassion, varme og omsorg, klarer sig bedst. Når vi udviser compassion, varme og omsorg, får andre mennesker det bedre, samtidig med at vi selv bliver gladere og mindre udbrændte. Det er, når vi føler og set og hørt, at vi trives og ja lever længe.

ET SIDSTE ORD: VI HAR ALLE BRUG FOR KÆRLIGE ØJNE

Det er en hård rejse at lære, at jeg fawner, funster og fibber for at passe på mig selv. Og at jeg flight, freezer og flopper, så jeg ender med at løbe fra burnout (shutdown/meltdown) til burnout (shutdown/meltdown) i stede for at ”fighte” og give udtryk for mine behov og insistere på at blive set på med kærlige øjne og se andre med kærlige øjne.

Vi vil alle sammen gerne være autentiske, men giver vi andre mennesker lov til at være dem selv, med alt hvad de indeholder? Og tør vi selv insistere på at være os selv sammen med mennesker, med alt hvad vi indeholder?

Næste gang du oplever, at du ikke føler dig set, så ved du hvorfor: neurodivergent eller ej…

“Emotional intimacy is the glue that holds a relationship together.

It can be defined as the connection and closeness between two individuals…

that varies based on the type and quality of a relationship.

Emotional intimacy consists of: safety, connection, trust, empathy, respect and vulnerability.

It is the willingness to allow your partner to see and understand the parts of you

that are raw and fragile…

and the willingness to seek out and understand these parts of your partner.

Emotional intimacy looks like deep conversations,

exploring each other’s inner worlds, validation of experiences, holding space for each other’s pain…

and reminders of, “I got you.

Creation and strengthening emotional intimacy requires…

- Emotional maturity

- Addressing your unprocessed trauma

- Learning how to be safe and present

- Daily efforts that demonstrate you care

- Showing consideration about how your behaviors impact your partner

- Expression how much you value them

- Managing your expectations of both your partner and your relationship”

– Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick, Relationship & Intimacy Expert

» Årets Fødselsdagsbrev:

51 år og nu Neurodivergent Aktivist på Jagten efter Autencitet

28 April 2024

Jeg er neurodivergent. Fra mine tidligste erindringer som treårig har det stået klart for mig, at jeg tænkte, talte og handlede anderledes. Alligevel opsøgte aldrig en diagnose, da den var fyldt med fordomme, som dikterede, hvordan jeg burde føle og opføre mig, ting jeg ikke kunne genkende; jeg var ikke en dreng, der kunne lide nummerplader.

I de seneste uger har jeg været i Barcelona og Sitges for at grave ned i forskningen om, hvad det betyder at være mig, når jeg ser på mig selv med neurodivergente briller. Jeg har skullet skrive hele min livshistorie om igen, og for første gang giver den mening.

Så her er mit fødselsdagskort, med fokus på neurodivergent, arbejdeliv, personligt liv og fremtid.

HVAD ER NEURODIVERGENT?

Det korte svar er, at det ved forskningen ikke. Jep, det er meget kontant. Forskningen har været ledet af en forestilling om, at der kun findes én måde at tænke på. Det er ikke korrekt. Der findes mange komplementære måder at tænke på udover det, vi forstår som den neurotypiske tænkemåde: autisme, adhd, dyslexia, hyperlexia, dyspraxia og mange endnu.

Vi er blevet ledt til at tro, at hjernen behandler informationer i forskellige centre i hjernen for til sidst at danne et sammenhængende billede. Det er ikke tilfældet. Hjernen bearbejder informationer på kryds og tværs af krop og hjerne og sammensætter det på en måde, der resulterer i, at vi ikke oplever verden på samme måde, hvilket fører til forskellige løsninger på samme problem. Vores måde at tænke på er lige så forskellige som et fingeraftryk.

Krop og sanseintegration

Jeg er ekstremt sansesensitiv, en karakteristik, der går igen hos de fleste neurodivergente mennesker. Alle mine sanser er konstant overstimuleret, fordi min krop og hjerne skal forholde sig til en masse informationer på én gang. Det kan gøre fysisk ondt i kroppen, og hvis jeg bliver følelsesmæssigt påvirket, får jeg stærke fysiske smerter. Sensitiviteten påvirker mit nervesystem, min søvn og min fordøjelse.

Lidt nørden omkring min sanseintegration

Min moro-refleks, også kaldet ‘forskrækkelsesrefleksen’, en primitiv refleks, som man almindeligvis vokser fra i løbet af de første seks måneder, er ikke fuldt udviklet hos mig. Jeg hopper fem meter op i luften, hvis nogen ringer med en ringeklokke. Det betyder, at jeg har et konstant forhøjet stressniveau i min krop.

Jeg har udfordringer med balancesansen, som sammen med mit syn skal sikre, at jeg har en stabil koordination af min krop i forhold til mine omgivelser. Det betyder, at når jeg eller andre bevæger sig uhensigtsmæssigt, påvirker det mig i lang tid efter. Det kan sidde i kroppen op til 23 timer efter en oplevelse. For eksempel bliver jeg dårlig af at se andre køre i karrusel. Hvilket også forklarer, hvorfor jeg er en forfærdelig dårlig danser, hvor man skal dreje rundt om sig selv eller hinanden - undskyld:D

Da jeg har en visuel-spatial evne til mønstergenkendelse, spiller det hele sammen med min motoriske koordination, hvilket påvirker min muskeltonus, hvor jeg som ofte spænder for meget i forhold til behovet. Og så har jeg dertil har konceptuel synæstesi, som forstærker mine sanseoplevelser.

Samlet set bliver jeg stærkt sansemæssigt overstimuleret af at befinde mig steder, hvor alt bevæger sig. På en arbejdsplads betyder det, at jeg ikke kan sidde i storrumskontor, da det føles som om, min krop befinder sig i høj bølgegang som et skib på vandet.

Den proprioceptive sans (kropsbevidsthed) er derimod veludviklet. Når jeg bruger den til at løfte, trække eller skubbe noget meget tungt, stabiliserer det min krop, og mine muskler og bindevæv slapper af - vel og mærket hvis jeg ikke er omgivet af mange mennesker, der bevæger sig hele tiden - og her er et tastatur ikke tungt nok.

Det har altid været en udfordring, som jeg ikke har tænkt over før nu, men efter jeg fik højt stofskifte, blev sårbarheden væsentligt mere fremtrædende.

Hjerne og tænkestil

Jeg ser sammenhænge mellem forskellige uafhængige systemer og hvordan de påvirker hinanden. Jeg har en særlig evne til visuel-spatial, social og verbal mønstergenkendelse. Jeg har en dyb evne til at føle empati og compassion og reagere intuitivt, når nogle er i distress. Derudover kan jeg hyperfokusere og grave mig dybt ned i et hvilket som helst emne, jeg finder meningsfuldt. Og så har jeg konceptuel synæstesi, hvor jeg oplever taktile sansninger og bevægelser, når jeg har idéer og tanker. Dette gør, at jeg oplever systemsammenhænge, som meget konkrete sansninger, som jeg rent faktisk rører ved det med hænderne og flytter på.

Der er stadig meget viden, jeg skal grave frem, og jeg tænker, at jeg har 50-60% autistisk træk, 30% ADHD træk og formodentligt 10-20% noget andet. De neurodivergente kategorier er nemlig ikke klart afgrænset fra naturens side. For eksempel har op til 80% af mennesker med autisme også ADHD. Og med det at være neurodivergent og maskere følger risikoen for kompleks PTSD.

Forskningen er stadig fyldt med fordomme, men jo flere neurodivergente mennesker der står frem og selv bidrager som forskere, jo mere vil vores forståelse af, hvad det vil sige at være menneske udvikle sig.

ARBEJDE

Jeg har altid sagt, at jeg kunne nå det hele på den hele tid og stadig lave det samme som mine kollegaer. Det er nu støttet af forskningen.

Jeg er 48% mere effektiv og 140% mere produktiv end en neurotypisk person.

Men hvad er det, en neurotypisk og en neurodivergent hver især bidrager med?

Styrken ved den neurotypiske tankestil er, at den gennem den sociale transmissionsproces finder kompromiser på løsninger i grupper, fordi den prioriterer social status i hierarkier over informationer. Udfordringen ved tankestilen er, at den er underlagt bias om, hvordan verdenen se ud. Det betyder, at en neurotypiske person i 74% af tilfældene vil komme frem til en åbenlys forkert konklusion, når der er den mindste risiko for at blive udstødt fra gruppen.

Styrken ved den autistiske tankestil er, at den vælger de objektive og rationelle løsninger, da den laver færre fortolkninger af informationer og derfor leverer originale løsninger på problemer. Udfordringen ved tankestilen er, at den er mindre modtagelig over for socialt pres, når der skal findes løsninger på problemer. Det betyder, at den sætter sin egen sociale status over styr for at sikre gruppen størst mulig succes.

Styrken ved ADHD tankestilen er, at den får masser af gode ideer og har et højt energiniveau. Udfordringen ved tankestilen er, at den ikke altid får afsluttet opgaverne.

Forskningen viser, at en virksomhed med psykologisk tryghed, hvor der er overensstemmelse mellem værdier og adfærd, og hvor der er plads til forskellige tankestile, leverer langt bedre resultater end virksomheder, som består af en homogen gruppe af mennesker.

En fordom ved autister er, at de kan lide repetitivt arbejde, hvor de leverer de samme løsninger hele tiden. Det er ikke tilfældet. Autister elsker at finde nye informationer, der kan effektivisere og optimere løsninger. Netop derfor bryder de sig ikke om at blive bombarderet med irrelevante oplysninger, der ikke fører til bedre løsninger. Autisters hjerner er nemlig designet til at finde fejl og løsninger på problemer.

En fordom ved ADHD’ere er, at de ikke kan afslutte opgaver. Det er ikke tilfældet. ADHD-hjerner er designet til at få gode idéer og til at arbejde koncentreret i korte intense sprint.

Og for autister og adhd’ere gælder det, at da kroppen og hjernen nu engang ikke hensynsfuldt bearbejder informationer i små selvstændige lukkede kredsløb, betyder det også, at de konstant er sansemæssigt overstimuleret. For alle mennesker gælder, at vores erkendelse af verdenen sker igennem sanserne, og det udfordrer særligt autister og ADHD’ere.

For mit vedkommende leverer jeg nye løsninger ved konstant at effektiviserer dem. Jeg kan grundlæggende ikke holde ud at arbejde med dovne løsninger. Jeg får det helt konkret fysisk dårligt. Jeg leverer resultater ved at skabe sammenhæng mellem mange forskellige menneskers fagligheder, så hvert enkeltes faglige ekspertise kommer i spil. I modsætning til hvad mange kan tænke, så er det altså ikke mig, der laver løsningen, det er verdenen ganske enkelt for kompleks til i dag med AI. Jeg sikrer mig i stedet, at gruppen leverer de bedste løsninger.

Kommunikation

Jeg er en super god kommunikatør i arbejdssammenhænge. Jeg er god til at vurdere forskellige målgruppers forskelligartede behov i stedet for at antage, at vi alle er ens. Dette gør, at jeg imødekommer konflikter ved at tage højde for modtagerens oplevelse for at øge produktiviteten. 

Desværre oplever jeg også, at ubevidste kognitive bias hos neurotypiske, såsom bekræftelsesbias, ankringsbias, in-gruppen bias og halo effekt, gør det svært at etablere tværfagligt samarbejde i virksomheder. Det ærgrer mig, da jeg virkelig ville ønske, jeg kunne være mere ligeglad.

PERSONLIGT

Jeg er 50% ekstrovert og kan lide mennesker. Og når jeg føler mig tryg, nyder jeg menneskeligt selskab. Mennesker får mig til at smile. Føler jeg mig utryg, bliver jeg anspændt og trækker mig ind i mig selv.

Socialt

Jeg er udfordret på det sociale plan, da jeg ikke forstår den sociale transmissionsproces - altså hvordan vi fravælger mennesker baseret på deres måde at bevæge sig på, frisure og tøj.

Samtidig kan jeg sagtens se, når folk handler efter de sociale hierarkier for at blive inkluderet og undgå at blive ekskluderet. Jeg forstår det. Jeg ved, hvor smertefuldt det er at blive ekskluderet. Det har jeg oplevet hele mit liv.

Men jeg forstår ikke helt, hvorfor mennesker fravælger andre baseret på deres måde at bevæge sig på, frisure og tøj. Det, jeg dog godt forstår, er, at vi tiltrækkes af og vælger at være sammen med mennesker, hvor vi føler, at vi kan opbygge en connection og har positive gensidige oplevelser. Det gør jeg også.

Samtidig er jeg socialt kompetent, da jeg har færre fordomme omkring mennesker, hvilket giver mig et mere åbent sind, der gør mig i stand til at indgå i samtaler og samarbejde med mange forskellige mennesker.

Køn og seksualitet

Jeg har altid følt, at jeg blev set på som forkert kvinde, forkert mand, havde forkert kropsdysfori, var forkert lesbisk, forkert bi, havde forkert kønsudtryk, forkert følelse af feminin og maskulin, forkert seksualitet, forkert seksuel praksis - forkert. Og jeg har altid følt mig presset af andre til at skulle vælge et eller flere mærkater til at definere mig. Men det får mig til at føle mig dårligt tilpas. Jeg lægger selvfølgelig mærke til, at jeg bliver fravalgt alene på den måde, jeg ser ud på, og om jeg opfører mig på en måde, der passer til det kønsudtryk, folk tillægger mig.

Det føles, som om folk tænker, at når jeg har et maskulint udtryk, så spiller vi “du er betjent”, og når jeg har et feminint udtryk, så spiller vi “du er sygeplejerske”, og så køre folk et sæt jokere afsted, som i et spil kort, som er fuldstændigt uforståeligt for mig, baseret hvordan “man” forventes at opfører sig som menneske, når man ser ud på en bestemt måde. I stedet for at tage en samtale med mig. Det betyder, at jeg oplever, at folk sjældent bestræber sig på at møde mig, men alene forestillingen om mig, som jeg så skal bruge uanede mængder af energi på at segmentere ikke er tilfældet. Og når det sker, kommer jeg til at maskere, fordi jeg bliver overvældet.

Og det er pisse træls, for jeg er faktisk glad for den, jeg er.

Jeg har det som Hannah Gadsby: ”I’m gender surprise.” Get over it.

Fordelen ved at jeg tænker neurodivergent er, at jeg ikke er underlagt samme rammer for, hvad der er socialt anerkendt. Jeg har dog aldrig dyrket det, da jeg hele tiden har følt mig forkert.

Jeg tillægger ikke valg at tøj og frisure et køn og dermed heller ikke en adfærd, hvor jeg kan anvende et specifikt sæt spilleregler. Jeg kan vælge tøj en dag, som nogle vil sige får dem til at føle sig feminine, mens de andre dage vil vælge tøj, som får dem til at føle sig maskuline. Den følelsesmæssige oplevelse har jeg ganske enkelt ikke. Jeg kan bare godt lide mennesker og sex. Jeg kan lide den skiftende sansning af kraft, blødhed og intensitet. Jeg kan høre, hvad folk siger, men jeg føler det ikke selv. Jeg elsker bare sansningen i min krop.

For tiden er jeg ved at undersøge, hvordan jeg har lyst til at se ud, hvis jeg skider højt og flot på hvad folk tillægger af værdi på baggrund af mit ydre udtryk. Den anden dag havde jeg tøj på, som en bøsse ville klæde sig i, inklusiv en binder. Hold da op, hvor fik jeg mange blikke fra ”the Bears”. De ville dog blevet slemt skuffede, hvis de havde fået fingrene i mig; no pack.

Paradokset ved forsøget er, at jeg godt ved, hvordan jeg skal tolke andres valg af tøj, frisure og valg af bevægelser og ansigtsmimik i en social kontekst. Men det er en akademisk øvelse for mig, hvor jeg opfatter folks valg ud fra en stammetanke, dvs. hvor ens eller forskellige mennesker ser ud og opfører sig.

Det betyder også, at jeg faktisk ikke ved, hvordan jeg bliver set på udefra, fordi jeg ikke er i stand til at tillægge mit eget udseende og adfærd et køn og en seksualitet. Jeg tænker, det hænger sammen med min konceptuelle synæstesi, hvor jeg oplever verdenen som taktile sansninger og bevægelser, ikke sociale spilleregler.

Men fordi jeg trods alt ved, at jeg skiller mig ud, vil jeg måske også gerne skille mig endnu mere ud, så ingen bliver i tvivl om, at jeg er mig.

Samtaler

Jeg orker ikke samtaler, hvor formålet er at opnå social anerkendelse. Jeg får ondt i maven og kvalme. Jeg elsker til gengæld at tale om hvordan mennesker oplever verdenen og deres passion.

Kropskontakt

Der er store fordomme om, at autister ikke kan lide kropskontakt. Forkert. Ja, jeg er stærkt sansesensitiv, og hold da op, hvor jeg elsker et kvalitetskram. Faktisk sover jeg bedre, når jeg har fået mange kram.

Det har vist sig igennem mit liv, at fordelen ved min sansesensitivitet er, at jeg er god til at forstå verdenen igennem kroppen; jeg har muskulær empati. Det betyder også, at jeg læser andre menneskers nervesystemer rigtigt godt. Det har dog den bagside, at det gør mig helt utrolig træt. Jeg tænker, at det formodentligt hænger sammen med min konceptuelle synæstesi, hvor viden, berøring og bevægelse følges ad - forresten helt ny viden for mig selv.

Faktisk lærte jeg under mit ophold i Barcelona, hvor jeg mistede min mobil to gange, at måden, jeg huskede, hvor jeg sidste havde set den, var ved at min krop kunne huske den taktile sansning af mobilen og hvor jeg stod placeret i forhold til væggene i et rum, da jeg lagde mobilen fra mig.

Maskering

Som en overlevelsesstrategi har jeg maskeret hele livet. Jeg er ked af at sige det, men neurotypiske menneskers udøvelse af sociale spilleregler er brutal. 94% af neurodivergente mennesker oplever at blive mobbet, også når folk ikke ved, at de er neurodivergente.

Det gør, at jeg er kronisk overstimuleret og overbelastet. Og at jeg må konstatere, at de mange kompromiser i livet, har givet mig kompleks PTSD, hvilket grundlæggende set betyder, at jeg er blevet overvældet for meget og for længe i sådan en grad, at jeg har et mindre fleksibelt nervesystem. Derfor oplever jeg flere shutdowns, og for nyligt oplevede jeg et meltdown, hvilket er årsagen til at jeg skriver mit fødselsdagskort i Barcelona og Sitges. Noget, jeg kun har oplevet én gange før i mit voksenliv, hvor jeg mistede talens evne i London City Airport, fordi mit fly blev aflyst - men den historie kan i læse på min blog.

TIDEN FØR MELTDOWN

Jeg tænkte, før jeg tog til Barcelona, at jeg havde en autistisk burnout, og det kan man godt sige, men i virkeligheden er jeg “bare” udbrændt som følger af mange års overbelastning og maskering.

I 2016 blev jeg syg med højt stofskifte, udløst af to års kronisk stress, der fik min krop til at bryde sammen, fordi jeg forsøgte at løse en catch22 på en arbejdsplads, hvor ledelsen, der havde bestilt opgaven, ikke selv var forandringsparate.

Det høje stofskifte fik mit bindevæv til at stivne i hele kroppen, men særligt brystkassen og hovedet blev hårdt ramt, og jeg fik massive smerter, der gjorde at jeg ikke sov særligt meget i mange år.

I årene efter arbejdede jeg på en arbejdsplads, hvor jeg blev udsat for gaslightning i to et halvt år. 

Jeg boede i en andelsforening, hvor beboerne gaslightede bestyrelsen og hinanden, og jeg følte mig hjælpeløs i forhold til, at vi ikke havde hinandens ryg, og vi ikke havde kompetencerne til at beskytte vores medarbejder bedre. Derudover var der så lydt, at jeg kunne høre naboens samtaler ord for ord. Alt dette gjorde, at jeg til sidst måtte tage beslutningen at komme ud af bygningen, før jeg slet ikke var i stand til at komme ud af sengen om morgenen, selvom det var en økonomisk beslutning, der ville koste mig dyrt.

Samtidig tog jeg en psykoterapeutisk uddannelse og begyndte en master i retorik.

Jeg skiftede jeg job flere gange for at finde et sted, hvor jeg kunne få lov til at være mig under de betingelser, jeg kunne fungere under. Og i forbindelse med det seneste jobskifte endte jeg endnu engang et job, hvor jeg syntes, jeg havde gjort det klart til samtalen, at jeg var meget innovativ og ikke var god til rutineopgaver. Jeg brugte næsten halvandet år på at kæmpe med jobbet, hvilket brændte mig endnu mere ud.

Imens boede jeg forskellige steder, før jeg ved et tilfælde fandt en lejlighed.

Samtidig måtte jeg kæmpe formålsløst for at få hjælp til mine smerter hos min læge. Jeg måtte hoppe fra behandler til behandler, betalt med mine egne penge, indtil jeg fandt en løsning, der fik mine kroniske smerter til at forsvinde – hvis jeg altså ikke overbelaster mig selv.

Jeg elsker at træne og motionere. Det er kernen af, hvem jeg er. Jeg har dog langsomt måttet acceptere, at jeg ikke kan træne, efter jeg havde højt stofskifte, da det overbelaster min krop. Det gør mig ked af det, for jeg elsker sansningen i min krop, når jeg er veltrænet. Derudover har jeg været nødt til at acceptere, at jeg er nødt til at gå to til tre timer næsten hver dag, for at stabilisere min krop.

Jeg var også omgivet af relationer, hvor jeg ikke fik taget stilling til, hvilke typer relationer jeg ønskede i mit liv, og lod folk flyde ind og ud uden at tænke nærmere over det, samt kæmpede for meget med nogle og for lidt for andre.

Desværre har jeg været ramt så længe, at min krop på nuværende tidspunkt bliver overstimuleret af det mindste, og jeg har udviklet kompleks PTSD, fordi jeg har været udsat for for mange “dagligdags” udfordringer for længe – udfordringer, som ikke er særlig dagligdags.

Det blev klart for mig i Sitges, hvor udfordret jeg er. Jeg kunne ikke finde mine sko på hotellet og gik i panik over, om de var blevet stjålet, hvilket jeg udtrykte over for personalet. Jeg tror andre kunne sammenligne det med at se et barn bliver kørt ned; sådan reagerede min krop. Ja, det er en voldsom kropslig reaktion, som også overraskede mig. Jeg vidst godt, at min krop ikke fungerede, som den skulle, men jeg ville ikke erkende det. Og nu kommer til at forholde mig til, at jeg ikke kan klare at løse det selv og lære at spørge om hjælp.

I de sidste otte måneder har jeg været væk fra en arbejdsplads, indtil jeg blev fyret, fordi jeg ikke kunne få opfyldt de betingelser, som jeg meget eksplicit bad om, der kunne have fået mig til at fungere. Samtidig skulle jeg håndtere et jobcenter, hvor jeg ikke havde overskud til at kæmpe, fordi det krævede, at jeg skulle spørge rigtig mange mennesker om hjælp, til noget jeg endnu ikke selv forstod, ikke havde en diagnose på, og ikke ville få de næste par år.

Samtidig måtte jeg forholde mig til, på egen hånd, at jeg lå på autismespektret, hvor jeg oplevede, at der absolut ikke var noget positivt at sige om en autist. Der er til gengæld rigtig mange af fordomme og forestillinger, fordi den eneste type der officielt findes, er den stereotypiske autist, hvilket trak mig ned under vandet, og jeg forsvandt fra mig selv. Jeg vidste dog, at det ikke gjaldt for mig, for ellers havde jeg ikke kunnet gøre alt det, jeg havde gjort.

Det blev derfor vigtigt for mig at finde frem til ressourcerne i at være autist og ADHD, så jeg måtte grave mig ned i en forskning, som er fyldt med fordomme. Jeg faldt over Dr. Maureen Dunne, som udgav en bog i marts i år, som har en ressourceorienteret tilgang til hvad det vil sige at være neurodivergent. Oveni alt dette måtte jeg forholde mig til, at mine ressourcer havde ændret sig på grund af mange års overbelastning.

Jeg har lært, at maskeringen har kostet mig rigtig dyrt. En person, som har kendt mig i 25 år, fortalte mig, at jeg for 25 år siden kunne blive en helt anden, når jeg var sammen med mere end ét menneske. De kunne også fortælle mig, at jeg i dag er væsentligt mere afslappet, når jeg vel og mærket er sammen med mennesker, som jeg føler mig tryg ved og som kender mig - jeg er mest autentisk, når jeg er omgivet af autentiske mennesker.

Selvom jeg for det meste undgik at blive mobbet igennem min skoletid, så har det at trække mig fra mennesker for at undgå det haft store konsekvenser. Jeg troede, at det var min opvækst i underklassen, der gjorde, at jeg maskerede i sådan en grad, at mennesker helt konkret kunne opleve, at jeg blev usynlig, mens jeg stod foran dem. Men det var ikke tilfældet; det var min frygt for at blive mobbet og ekskluderet fra flokken, som jeg egentlig bare så gerne ville være med i.

Samlet set er det ikke så underligt, at jeg, som i London City Airport, oplevede at få en nedsmeltning, da jeg så skiltene med “flight cancled”.

Når jeg ser tilbage, kan jeg se, at jeg har været alt for god til at holde næsen i sporet og har glemt at kigge op og tænke over, om der overhovedet er en rimelig overensstemmelse mellem det, jeg oplever i min krop, og de situationer jeg befinder mig i. Det klare svar er, jeg tog alt for meget på mig, om at det sgu nok var mig, der havde misforstået alting, så jeg aldrig fik sagt til eller fra. Jeg fik aldrig italesat mine behov i min bestræbelse på at være det ordentlige menneske, som jeg har fået at vide hele mit liv, at jeg ikke er.

Jeg er loyal og pligtopfyldende og en uddømmende lytter - autisten - og latterlig nysgerrig, innovativ og ekstrovert - adhd’eren - og så er der mig - den ”normale”. Og jeg elsker alle siderne af mig selv. I processen med at skal lære at fjerne min maskering, skal jeg leve efter mine værdier, siger de sendiagnostiserede AuDHD’er, som har gjort det før mig. Og jeg kan mærke, at jeg skal lære ikke at investere i mennesker i mit privatliv eller i job, som ikke er pligtopfyldende og lyttende, nysgerrige og udtømmende lige som mig, for det har slidt mig op at kæmpe så hårdt. Det slider mig op, ikke at være sammen med mennesker, der ikke øver sig i at være autentiske - så nu starter jeg med mig selv, og fjerner maskeringen.

FREMTID

Jeg har både været sårbar og helt utrolig robust hele mit liv, ellers ville jeg aldrig kunne have gjort de ting, jeg har.

Måske netop af den grund har jeg siden jeg var barn brugt tid på at undersøge, hvad det betyder at være menneske og hvordan kroppen og hjernen fungerer i samspil med sine omgivelser. 

Jeg ved ikke, hvor mit arbejdsliv tager mig hen. Men som en sagde til mig på et netværksmøde for nylig: ”You are what you do.”

Så nu vender jeg min faglighed om fra økonom til psykoterepeut.

Jeg er psykoterapeut med fokus på neurovidenskab, dvs. hvordan kroppen og sindet og virker i en social kontekst, og så er jeg cand.polit. med fokus programteori, dvs. hvor vi kigger på hvilke handlinger, der kan skabe hvilke forandringer. I fremtiden har jeg bestemt mig for, at jeg gerne vil arbejde, så jeg skaber bedre viden om hvad neurodivergens betyder, så vi får smidt de mange fordomme ud og skabt et samfund, hvor der er plads til alle.

Det er nemlig ikke kun de unge, der bliver diagnosticeret i disse år, det gør alle aldersgrupper. Og det synes jeg efterlader stof til eftertanke, for hvad er det for et samfund, vi har skabt, hvor mennesker bliver syge af ikke at måtte være dem selv, hvor mennesker ikke må være autentiske.

Selvom min rejse til Barcelona på ingen måder ikke forløb som ventet, så endte jeg præcis hvor jeg skulle; på vej hjem til mig selv. Der er dog ingen tvivl om at mit næste år byder på en meget hård rejse for at komme hele vejen i mine mål både på den personlige og faglige front - noget jeg lærte af et helt fantastisk par i Sitges, som ligesom mig, var stukket af for af finde dem selv og hinanden. Dertil har jeg mange ubevidste negative fordomme om autisme og adhd, som jeg skal have skrabet af - jeg skal vænne mig til, at jeg som RGB skal undervise folk i hvad det betyder at være en helt almindelig neurodivergent. 

Men for en gangs skyld er jeg ikke vred hele tiden, som jeg har været de senere år, fordi jeg nu endelig forstår, at ja, jeg skiller mig ud, når jeg bare er mig.

April er ’World Autism Awareness Month’. En ud af fem er neurodivergente, og halvdelen af Generation Z, født mellem 1995 og 2012, definerer sig selv som helt eller delvist nerodivergent, så kig rundt på dine venner, bekendte, naboer og kollegaer og hver opmærksom på, at hvis du har mødt en neurodivergent, så har du kun mødt en. På samme måde, som har du mødt en neurotypisk, så har du kun mødt en, for det handler først som sidst om personlighed og de valg, vi vælger at tage i livet. Og for at sætte perspektiv på, så er der noget der tyder på, at der er en overrepræsentation af neurodivergente i ledelseslag, blandt millionærer og nobelprismodtagere - de gemmer sig for øjnene af dig;)

» Meltdown in London City Airport

In 2006, I had a meltdown at London City Airport when my flight was canceled. I lost control and started kicking my bag and shouting, but was help by kind people. This episode reminded me of a similar episode when I was 10 years old, highlighting the fact that traumatic reactions can arise under intense and long-term stress, and that support and understanding from others are crucial to healing.

In early fall 2006, I had a meltdown at London City Airport, where I nearly didn’t make it home. But let’s start from the beginning.

I had been visiting a friend in London and was heading back home. I’m someone who gets nervous about being late, so I decided to trust my friend, who was a world traveler. You know the type, effortlessly navigating airports as if they were strolling through their own living room.

But the time schedule might have been a bit tight because on the last part of my journey on the train, I could see from the clock that this was going to be so tight, that I could see the gate closing in front of me. And it was crucial to me that I got back home in time for the afternoon lecture in Tax Policy at the university. I was shaking so badly in the train that it felt like my skin was being electrocuted. But I tried to stay calm and breathe, calm and breathe…

As the train pulled into the station, I hurried out and ran into the airport to where I could check in. Just as I reached the check-in line, I read: flight canceled.

And then I had a complete blackout.

After staring at the message for a while, I turned to the people at the check-in and asked, with a very desperate look in my eyes, “What now? How do I get home?” Their response was disheartening: “We don’t know…”

I had specially chosen the airline SAS because they were supposed to be the best, so if I got into trouble, they would manage, right? No.

And I lost it. My brain just imploded into a meaningless sense of senselessness. My eyes started running. And with a very big swing of my arm, I threw my bag on the floor and started kicking it, yelling something about how the hell they didn’t know how I was supposed to come home. The people behind the check-in looked at me with eyes wide-open, leaning backward, and very quiet.

Two cops came over. Bad cop and good cop. Fully packed with vests and everything, and very big machine guns, they almost shoved up under my nose like a cigar.

Good cop looked at me with kind eyes and asked me with a gentle voice what was happening. I could not speak, so I could not answer him. So, bad cop, with the cold eyes and harsh voice, insistently said I was not allowed to act like that in an airport.

And I just stood still, stared at them, my eyes running, not saying a word.

Then, out of the blue, out of the corner of my left, a very British guy in worn brown British clothes and a brown folder in his right hand came walking very fast with very long strides, like John Cleese in Monty Python, and stop between me and good cop and bad cop, stuck his head out like a turtle from its shell, and asked me, “Have you got stress?”

And everything stood still… It was as if everything became calm inside of me...

I still couldn’t speak, but I felt like I must have looked very surprised.

The John Cleese guy then turned his turtle head to look at good cop and bad cop and continued his very long strides out of sight to the right, as fast, as he came in from the left.

Good cop and bad cop looked at me for a short while. Then they decided to repeat that I could not throw my bag and yell in the airport. And they walked away.

And there I stood, thinking, “Now the worst thing has happened, the very thing I feared. I had absolutely lost it!”

My brain had shut down for all conversations, so I could do nothing.

I picked up my bag and decided to find a corner of the airport and wait for it to pass.

For those who have been in London City Airport, they know there is no such thing as a corner. There is one big, very bright hall where the addict almost reaches the sky.

But I found a place close to the wall, just sitting while my eyes kept running.

I don’t know for how long I sat there; I had no sense of time.

But certainly, a woman was standing in front of me asking me what was going on.

I still couldn’t speak, but I could voice “home” while my eyes just kept running.

She asked me where home was, but I could not answer, so she asked me for my ticket and told me not to move; she would look into it and get back to me. And she was gone.

I don’t know how long she was gone, but it felt like she was back as fast as she had left.

She had rebooked my flight and asked me to follow her. She sat me at a coffee shop where she made sure I got a cop a coffee and told me to stay there; she would pick me up and follow me to the gate when time came.

The coffee shop was on a hill in the middle of everything, and I just sat there while my eyes kept running. I could feel no emotions. And I had no thoughts. But I did think to myself that the lecture in Tax Policy might not be so important after all.

Again, I had no idea how long I sat there, but my coffee was gone by the time she returned as fast as she had left.

She followed me to the gate while my eyes were still running.

When I was in the air, the plane made a 180-degree turn, so I almost felt like my nose got screwed into the window, and I could look straight down into the water and see the shadow of the plane. I knew then that it was very bad because I have a fear of flying, and I felt absolutely nothing. But my eyes had stopped running.

As I went home from the airport, I could see on the clock as I passed the university it was only a few hours later than expected.

For the next few months, I was lying on the sofa, attending lectures at the university, not understanding one bit but doing it out of duty and purpose, my brain was closed. At the end of the semester, I managed to pull myself together, write an exercise a few days before deadline, defend it, and receive an okay grade for.

I decided to go to the exams just to see if anything would come up, but I could leave the exams five minutes later; I was blank. I could remember nothing about what my teacher had said about Tax Policy.

Two months later, I traveled to China.

THE YEAR UP UNTIL THE MELTDOWN

The year before the meltdown in summer 2005, I had started my master’s degree in Economics and decided that I would do like everybody else. I would have a 15-hour student job every week plus transportation, doing 7 house training and following lectures at the university including one in Sweden, and taking lectures in Chinese language. 

At the same time, I decided to apply for a semester in China, the least communicative and transparent country in the world. And I decided I would learn to ask for help from the Chinese students because China does not write much on their websites. And I needed to learn to find two professors to write me a statement I could put with the application for studying in China, which some were to posh to write because I was not an A-student. On the day Copenhagen University had gathered all the applicants for exchange, I was the only student who did not receive any papers on whether or not I had been admitted. And it took some time before I received a one-page paper with me being admitted. And I did not know where I was going to sleep until the day I arrived in China.

This was all too much, and by summer 2006, I was well done, barely hanging on by my nails, so when I saw ‘flight canceled’ I experienced a trauma response, where I got overwhelmed, panicked and got out of control. And I was lucky that day, because the John Cleese guy and the personnel in the airport gave me the necessary understanding and support that got me home safe.

China was good: breakfast, reading, lectures, walking, lunch with the other international students, reading, sleeping - for five months.

It took me ten months all together to be okay enough to start working when I got back home from China.

In hindsight, as one says, I can now see, that my meltdown didn’t come out of the blue.

I DON’T DO MELTDOWNS

I don’t do meltdowns. The last time I had a meltdown before London City Airport, I was 10 years old.

As a 10-year-old, I had been under a lot of pressure for many years - living in children's home, having a new brother, witnessing adults fighting and divorcing, hiding from the teachers at my old school, moving again, starting a new school, and struggling to understand the other children. There was lot of change I had no control over. So, when I was to go on summer holiday as usually for the first time after we had move to our new home, instead of being quired and withdrawn, I started screaming and crying and kicking like a mad because I had to drive with someone new. I startled all the adults around me, even my mother.

Trauma responses occur when we are under a lot of distress for a long period of time. They are characterized by behaviors that are uncharacterized for us and can manifest as shutdowns, where we have an inward reaction, such as remove ourselves from our surroundings, or as a meltdown, where we have an outward reaction, such as shaking and jelling.

The way others can help when a person experiences a trauma response is to approach them with understanding and support, allowing them to feel they are okay and that they can manage the situation; and they will.

That’s what happened in London City Airport. The personal there provided me with the support I needed to stay calm and get home. And that’s happened when I was 10 years old, I got not to drive with a stranger.

I don’t do meltdowns, I write. It took me almost 20 years to start telling people that I had a meltdown in London City Airport. But the fact is, everybody experiences them, including me. That is not a pleasant realization for someone who thinks logically and rationally like me.

» What is Neurodivergence?

I write about the misconceptions surrounding neurodivergence and highlight the diverse cognitive styles and problem-solving approaches of neurodivergent individuals. I talk about my personal experiences. And I end et by advocating for neurodivergence to be removed form diagnostic classification for greater inclusivity.

There are many misconceptions about neurodiversity, including how many people are neurodivergent, what it entails, and how it feels.

But to start with the conclusion, there are not just two ways the brain works: a neurotypical way and a neurodivergent way. Instead, there is a wide range of ways the brain conducts problem-solving.

It is estimated that one out of five people is neurodivergent. And when we ask Generation Z, about half of them define themselves as neurodivergent or somewhat neurodivergent.

Being neurodivergent means that people have different perceptual tendencies and different ways of forming conclusions. It includes cognitive skills such as lateral thinking, system thinking, associative thinking, visual-spatial thinking, creativity, and hyper-focus. Neurodivergence are complementary cognition strategies, essentially representing Darwin’s cognitive diversity.

Having different cognitive strategies simply means that we learn differently, think differently, and perform differently, complementing one another.

I will begin by presenting some neurodivergent styles followed up by some of the problem-solving approaches they use, diving into the neurobiology of autism to show one way the body and mind processes sensory information in understanding the world. I will end it all by writing something about my thinking style and a hope for the future: that neurodivergent will be removed from WHO’s ICD.

DIFFERENT NEURODIVERGENT STYLES

Different neurodivergent styles encompass a wide range of traits to problem-solving and experiences that divert from what we think is the neurotypical form.

People with ADHD are more likely to think originally and flexibly, often creating completely new concepts in creative tasks. Hyperactivity and impulsivity are seen as drivers of their achievements.

Autistic individuals typically demonstrate objective and rational decision-making, less susceptibility to cognitive biases, and superior visual-spatial and pattern thinking skills. Other strengths inkluce attention to detail and original thinking.

Dyslexia often makes it easier to recognize connections between disparate concepts, objekcs, or perspectives, suggesting compensation for difficulties in reading and writing through enhanced creativity. They often perform better tasks requiring original and combinatorial thinking.

Synesthesia is a typology where sensory impressions (sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch) get crossed up. For example, someone might see colors when they hear music. It has been found to be overrepresented in creative arts and music professions.

Other neurodivergent styles include Tourette syndrome, dyspraxia, dyslexia, hyperlexic, and dyscalculia.

DIFFERENT APPROACHES TO PROBLEM-SOLVING

The different neurodivergent styles offer unique approaches to problem-solving, creativity and understanding of the world. They show different combinations of traits, each offering their unique approach.

Lateral thinking is the path marked by the loops, jumps, and divergences, the absence which defines linear thinking. It makes it possible to steep outsider the imagined boundaries of a puzzle.

System thinking is a holistic approach to understanding how various components within a system interact and influence each other, rather than focusing solely on individual parts.

Associative thinking focuses on connecting similarities and drawing connections among two or more concepts that don’t typical go together.

Visual thinking is a strength where you visualize information in the mind.

Hyperfocus is the ability to intensely focus attention on a task for long stretches of time.

Others include mental rotation, first principles thinking, pattern thinking, bottom-up thinking, and reverse engineering.

There is a richness and diversity both between different neurodivergent styles and within. There is more overlap between the different neurodivergent styles than generally assumed. Intellectual giftedness may accompany all or some of these traits. So, although there are different neurodivergent styles, it can be difficult in reality to define people to just one style. For instance, up to 80 percent of individuals with autism is also have ADHD.

THE NEUROBIOLOGY OF AUTISM

Cut into the bone, the basic feature of the different neurodivergent styles is that our body and mind have many ways of solving problems.

For many years, research solely focused on the central nervous system (the brain) to try to explain why autistic individuals behaved the way they did. Moreover, research did not ask the autistic individuals themselves how they experienced the world; instead, they observed the person and afsked family and teachers how they experienced the person.

Now research has also turned its eyes to the peripheral nervous system (body) to try to explain why autistic individuals sense the world the way they do. How that can lead to behavioral responses to try to cope with sensory overstimulation. And that there is a constant biofeedback loop between the body and the surrounding environment. Moreover, research is beginning to ask the autistic people themselves how they experience the world, and autistic people are themself making research about autism.

The nervous system is specialized in different tasks, each with its unique function, making sure everything works together to process information from inside the body and the surrounding environment, creating a coherent understanding of the world. There is not just one place involved in processing sensory information in the body and mind, there are many, such as motor and premotor functioning, the cerebellum, reticular formation, and the receptors.

Moreover, different neurons, also called sensory cells or receptors, have different functions: touch, sight (bright light and colors), sound, smell, gut, motor function, muscles, and interception, just to mention a few. The sensitivity of these receptors can have a significant impact on our experience of ourselves and the world. Autistic individuals often have more sensitive receptors, making them experience the world more intensely.

In addition, many individuals experience synesthesia to varying degrees, which is a neurological condition where stimulation of one sense triggers a perception in another sense.

The brain does not process information in one section at a time; it combines these informations in ways giving unique perceptions of the world, leading to many complementary ways of experiencing the world and forming conclusions.

MY THINKING STYLE

I’m system thinker, which is an approach where I understand how various components within a system interact and influence each other, with a very strong visual-spatial, social, and verbal pattern detection. I have a deep and nuanced empathy and compassion, where I intuitively sense when someone is distressed and how to respond. In addition, I have the ability to hyper-focus and deep dive into subjects of interest.

My experience of interior life when problem-solving is almost like being surrounded by invisible whiteboards where I can project, rotate, and combine ideas in conceptual space.

My nervous system is very sensitive when it comes to processing sensory information (touch, sight, hearing, smell, taste, balance, body awareness and internal sensing). I am particularly sensitive to the change where I or things around me move, that includes sensing other people's nervous systems, which makes me sensitive to people's smell, sounds (speech gramma), and touches.

I have a sensitive stomach and an intolerance to gluten, lactose, suger and fat, and I have problems digesting animal products.

Moreover, I experience conceptual synesthesia where I experience ideas as tactile features, such as skin, wood, or rope. It can feel like I have very fine furniture under my hands when I experience connection between things. Like I can follow the lines and the texture in the furniture as I understand and create perspectives.

The interesting part of my synesthesia that I have just learned is that when I get distressed, I don’t feel strong emotions like anger or sadness; instead, I feel very intense physical pain, that can feel so intense that I feel like stepping out in front of a bus or a train to make it stop. I, of course, have no wish of hurting myself, but the pain is so intense and overwhelming that I desperately have an urge to stop it. If the pain is intense enough, it can activate an overwhelming sensation that is so strong that it resembles anxiety or panic attacks.

My strengths and challenges have changed somewhat over the years due to forced adaptations. In some cases, I have become very adept and in other cases my masking has made me experience burnout, meltdowns, and shutdowns, because I have adapted too much instead of staying true to myself.

In general, I love my way of thinking because it makes me sense and feel things stronger and creates interesting connections. It can sometimes be too overwhelming. But the overwhelming is the part that makes me keep digging into understanding what it means to be neurodivergent and human.

CONCLUSION: NO TWO BRAINS ARE A LIKE

It is a misconception that we all think the same way. Unfortunately, due to the deficit-based approach in medical science regarding what it means to be human, research has formed the way we perceive one another.

For instance, the term “autism” was first used by the psychiatrist Eugen Bleuler in 1911, referring to the tendency of schizophrenics to withdraw into one’s inner world. In the 1940s, it was used by the pediatrician and medical professor Hans Asperger to describe communications difficulties and narrow interest, primarily boys. That also means that autism is defined as a development disorder.

The scientific method is an inheritance from the Enlightenment period, which lasted from the late 17th century to the late 18th century. During this time, there was a belief that through reason, science, and technology, humans could understand and control nature. There was a strong faith in rationality, and humans believed they could dominate nature.

So, we don’t understand what neurodivergent entails because science has not thoroughly investigated how all humans think. This also means that neuroscience is only in its infancy stage, and there is a long way to go until we understand the many complementary cognitive strategies of thinking that healthy human beings experience.

I hope that neurodivergent thinking will be removed from the WHO’s ICD in the future, as homosexuality and transgenderism have been, because nobody deserves to be excluded simply because they do not conform to what we perceive as the majority way of thinking.

» The Nervous System, Connective Tissue, and Interoception

Interoception, the sense of internal body state, and the nervous system are closely intertwined, influencing emotions, cognition, and behavior. Additionally, the nervous system and connective tissue interact bidirectionally, affecting bodily functions and sensory perception. Overstimulation or trauma can cause the connective tissue to stiffen, triggering physiological responses. Dysregulation in interoceptive processing or the autonomic nervous system can lead to various health issues.

Autism is characterized by being constantly sensory overstimulation. However, rather than being inherently problematic, the challenge lies in how we perceive and interpret this sensory experience. By recognizing and respecting the diverse ways in which we all experience the world, we can foster an environment where everyone, including those with autism, can thrive.

INTEROCEPTION AND THE NERVOUS SYSTEM

The interoception and the nervous system work in tandem to provide us with a continuous awareness of our internal bodily processes, influencing various aspects of our emotion, cognition, and behavior.

Interoception, also known as the 8th sense, plays a crucial role in our awareness of our internal bodily state and how we know what we are feeling. Everyone experiences sensory processing in their body differently, and some people are more hypo- or hypersensitive than others. Through interaction with our surroundings, we learn to verbalize our internal state. While some find it is easy to articulate their internal state, others find it more challenging. For example, they may have difficulty distinguishing between anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.

The autonomic nervous system regulates involuntary bodily functions such as heart rate, breathing, and digestion, helping maintain homeostasis by adjusting physiological responses based on internal sensory feedback as well as external stimuli.

These sensations are detected and relayed to the brain by sensory nerves in the body. The nervous system processes this information, integrating it with other sensory inputs and cognitive processes to generate a coherent understanding of one's internal state.

The interoceptive signals influence emotional experiences and regulation. The brain's interpretation of internal sensations contributes to the generation of emotions and affects emotional responses.

Disturbances in interoceptive processing or dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system can contribute to various health issues, including psychological challenges, and somatic concerns.

THE NERVOUS SYSTEM AND THE CONNECTIVE TISSUE

The nervous system and connective tissue interact bidirectional, with each system influencing the function and activity of the other in maintaining overall health and homeostasis.

The connected tissue, also known as fascia, forms a network that spans the entire body, serving multiple functions such as transmitting muscle tension, manage liquids like lymph and blood, and conveying sensory information. Additionally, it acts as a memory system, retaining morphological variations it has experienced.

The fascial continuum is supplied with nerves by the autonomic sympathetic nervous system, allowing it to be affected by the body’s automatic responses. Sympathetic activation, commonly known as the fight-or-flight response, can lead to changes in blood flow to the fascia, alterations in tissue tension, and modulation of pain perception. These effects can profoundly impact the overall function and responsiveness of the connective tissue, affecting factors such as mobility, flexibility, and sensory perception.

In response to overstimulation or trauma, the connective tissue can stiffen due to neurofascial memory, making it challenging for different fascial layers to slide. This, in turn, affects nerve endings and triggers a physiological response of the efferent nervous system.

The autonomic sympathetic system's innervation of the fascial continuum offers insights into how physiological responses, including changes in tissue tension and pain sensitivity, can be impacted by factors such as stress, emotions, and sympathetic arousal.

SENSORY OVERSTIMULATION AND MASKING

Our nervous system can’t distinguish between an actual life-threatening situation, a perceived danger of sensory overwhelm, or a social situation we have learned over time, even when we feel safe enough. It automatically reacts with responses of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

If, over time, we have learned to automatically mask (fawn response), the effort can use all our energy and executive functioning, diverting resources away from anything non-essential. This leave us without any energy to think logically and be creative.

» No More Masking

The text explores authenticity and the concept of masking, focusing on how individuals on the autism spectrum hide their true selves to fit societal norms. I look into the motivations behind masking and compare it to the false self as experienced by neurotypical individuals, emphasizing differences in the comprehension of social rules.

As an autistic individual, I mask, but I have never been aware of how much it has influenced my life.

It explains why I experience an extreme, nauseating aversion to hetero- and gay normativity regarding what it means to have the correct gender and correct sexuality—that has trapped me. The strange thing is, even though I do not understand social norms, I am very much susceptible to them. I want out! So, new accessory to my clothes;)

I know that when I become very happy about something, it’s because I’ve wanted it for a very long time. I was so excited when I bought my accessory that I almost ran around myself like a golden retriever. The guys selling me the accessory (and other stuff), where very lovely, and smiled about my joy while helping me ensure it fitted perfectly—no blouse, no blushing – it felt like buying a t-shirt.

If everybody was like them not busy bee-ing me about correctness, I would not busy bee demand avoidance, but instead, I would have exercised self-determination (theory). Crazy stupid!

So why have I masked?

1. I gain more respect and recognition
2. I obtain more (white male) privileges like social acceptance and jobs
3. It minimizes the risk of social exclusion because people don’t feel uneasy
4. I'm not done wrong, which minimizes the risk of bullying and condemnation
5. I am not perceived as troublesome because I don’t vocalize needs and set boundaries
6. I experience fewer conflicts because I conceal misunderstandings 
7. Others relax because they do not have to deal with my differences.

The ting is, I have never been very good at masking; I just ended up in no man’s land—and very tired.

BEING AUTHENTIC, MASKING VERSUS FALSE SELF

Being authentic is difficult for everybody.

In psychology, the concept the false self refers to a facade that individuals present to the world, conforming to societal norms, suppressing authentic emotions, and adopting roles and behaviors that may not be genuine.

The false self is similar to masking, but for neurotypical individuals. However, there is a difference between masking as experienced by neurodivergent individuals and the false self as experienced by neurotypical individuals.

The difference lies in that the neurotypical individual understands social rules, while neurodivergent individuals do not. This means that neurotypical typically can explain which social rules apply in different situations and with different people, as well as why it is inappropriate to overstep those rules.

Neurodivergent individuals struggle to understand social rules because they perceive every situation and all people as similar—they don’t discriminate. This awareness of their lack of understanding leads them to assume they are always wrong in social interactions. Consequently, they struggle to make sense of why they fail in social situations, which makes them psychologically vulnerable. People across the neurodiversity spectrum therefore have a higher probability of developing psychological challenges in addition to being neurodivergence.

You can phrase it different, that both neurodiverse and neurotypical individuals seek to be authentic, embracing their truly selves.

As I’m write this, I realize that whenever I’ve sensed something and have become insecure about a situation or a person, I’ve masked my true self, losing my authenticity in the process. Now, that I understands why, I smile a bit sadly to myself because I should not do it to people close to me. I should simply ask what’s going on with them.

However, the solution too good communication between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals is to engage in affirmative conversation about their interactions. This allows everyone to understand what is happening, identify their own needs, set boundaries, and establish a common understanding—essentially what everybody should strive do. It’s important to use an affirmative approach because social rules are evaluated by different standards by everybody, regardless of neurodivergence, and that’s okay.

» What Kind of Autist Am I?

I reflect on what it means to have an social autism profile, and what the positive traits and challenges are.

There are two types of autism profiles: The stereotypical autism profile and the social autism profile. But let me emphasize that everyone’s personalities makes each person as unique as anyone else, so I am not exactly comfortable with using this distinction.

I am the latter. I am very good at masking. Socially, I have learned to adapt by observing and analyzing people around me. First I see one, then I do one, then I tell one, and then I freestyle. I can make eye contact when I feel safe, but not if I don’t. I am polite. I hide my restlessness. I make info dumping. I turn things inward. I react with a delay. I have a large vocabulary and am very sharp communicatively. I like being social—I just get drained a lot.

My functional level varies a lot depending on people, place, time, and if I feel safe. I have a reduced sense of danger. I learned English fast by watching tv. If my to-do lists become too long, I end up doing any of the things because I lose sight—it explains my one thing a day rule.

But the most important thing is that whatever happens, it has to make sense—if it makes sense, I can do everything and more; if it doesn’t not make sense, I can do very little.

Positive things about knowing me:

1. Honest—I am straightforward and direct, and I say things as they are
2. Loyal—I will go through fire and water for you
3. Depth and substance—I am good at discussing difficult and important matters with substance, I and good at telling stories and relating
4. Thinking outside the box—I am highly creative and have an ability to find interesting solutions
5. Systematic—like structure, routines, and systems/patterns
6. Immersion— build knowledge about various subjects
7. Detail-oriented—I notice when something is out of place
8. Empathy—I have high empathy and sense how you feel before you do—I tune in to you
   • I can’t watch the news, and there are some I can’t read either
   • I feel unwell if the atmosphere is not good
   • I am very tired when I have been with people
   • Others don’t need to tell me how they feel; I feel it
   • People come to me when something is difficult
   • I get drained if people complain to much
   • I get happy when people around me are happy
9. Charm—become very enthusiastic.

I did not make these things up; other autists have. And as I write them, I am like, “Oh! That IS me”. The funny thing about it is that I don’t feel particular not normal. I thought everybody worked the same, knowing of course that they did not because I most of the time feel out of place.

For instance, why do many people not communicate in a straightforward way? It makes no sense to me. It explains why so many people gossip in a very bad manner behind each other’s back, because they don’t talk to one another, due to a social rule of what you are allowed to say—so instead, you fight about the dishes. I am so lost in translation; it's like I am trying to play a guessing game with no clues – no wonder I feel so tired.

As another autistic individual said about socializing: it’s done in a logical manner, where my brain is making a million calculations per minute when trying to decipher body language trying to understand what people are actually saying because people don’t really mean what they say.

When I think more about it, I often find that people don’t fully understand their own intentions; they simply follow a script, much like discussing the weather.

And I am always like, “I know it’s raining, look out the f’ing window”.

» The Autist is the Canary in the Mineshaft

The article provides a blend of personal and professional perspectives on sensory challenges faced by individual with autism, drawing attention to parallels with non-autistic experiences, particularly in terms of sensory overload, the role of the connected tissue, and trauma. Additionally, it delves into personal healing strategies rooted in scientific understanding.

I don’t have a gaydar; I have an autism rader… But that’s just a little teaser, not the whole story.

It all started the other day when I had a conversation with a woman in her thirties who had recently been diagnosed with autism—yet another person with strong competences. As we discussed how we sense the world, I couldn’t help but notice the striking similarities in our perceptions. This led me to thinking about how we are akin to the canaries in the mineshaft, quick to become overwhelmed by sensory stimuli.

But here’s the thing—we’re not as unique as we might think. Over the past decade, I’ve had countless conversations and observed that some non-autistic individuals also struggle with sensory overload, much like us on the spectrum.

The key of this story is that we’re all cut from the same cloth. Drawing upon the myriad of things I’ve read about neurobiology and psychology; I’ll do my best to articulate my thoughts in a way that’s understandable and readable to others… I hope.

SENSORY OVERLOAD

One of the hallmarks of autism is being highly sensitive to sensory stimuli. When I was younger, even the slightest touch of loose-fitting fabric on my skin felt like being stabbed with an ice pick.

It appears that my nervous system doesn’t process information automatically in the cerebellum, the “little brain”; instead, it’s processed in the prefrontal cortex, the “frontal lobe”, making me acutely aware of things others might not notice. I notice people moving around, their breathing, their smells, the noise they make.

To illustrate, picture this: if you, as a neurotypical, are on the beach on a hot summer day with a gentle breeze, then I, as a neurodiverse individual on the same beach, feel like I’m caught in a tsunami wreaking havoc on everything in its path. I become overwhelmed by sensory input very quickly.

In a typical office landscape, while you may only use 10 percent of your energy coping with being there, I find myself using 60 percent. And because I’m already overloaded, I only have 40 percent left to focus on work, whereas you have 90. It leaves me with nothing to spare for the rest of the day.

Through conversations with various people, I’ve noticed that some neurotypical individuals experience similar sensory overload to those with autism. These individuals have often experienced trauma of some kind: prolonged stress, whiplash, concussion, or severe illness.

What’s interesting is that the impact appears to differ, for instants, extreme headaches or back pain, irritable bowel syndrome, or inflammation in the body, depending on where the individual’s vulnerabilities lie within their body, yet it consistently affects their connected tissue. The same holds true for individuals with autism as well.

THE CONNECTED TISSUE

The connected tissue, also known as fascia, forms a network that spans the entire body, serving multiple functions such as transmitting muscle tension, manage liquids like lymph and blood, and conveying sensory information. Additionally, it acts as a memory system, retaining morphological variations it has experienced.

The fascial continuum is supplied with nerves by the autonomic sympathetic nervous system, allowing it to be affected by the body’s automatic responses. Sympathetic activation, commonly known as the fight-or-flight response, can lead to changes in blood flow to the fascia, alterations in tissue tension, and modulation of pain perception. These effects can profoundly impact the overall function and responsiveness of the connective tissue, affecting factors such as mobility, flexibility, and sensory perception.

In the face of trauma, the connecte tissue can stiffen due to neurofascial memory, making it challenging for different fascial layers to slide. This, in turn, affects nerve endings and triggers a physiological response of the efferent nervous system. The nerve supply of the fascial continuum by the autonomic sympathetic system provides insights into how physiological responses, such as alterations in tissue tension and sensitivity to pain, can be influenced by factors like stress, emotions, and sympathetic arousal.

TRAUMA

A trauma is essentially a disturbance that affects a person physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Trauma is inherently linked to our social nature as human beings. Even in case of a natural disaster like an earthquake, we instinctively reach out to others for help. Trauma encompasses biological, psychological, and social dimensions that influence and interact with each other.

When we experience trauma, our ability to choose coping strategies diminishes as the impact intensifies. We rely more heavily on pre-automated responses, and the sense of security we derive from our attachments plays a crucial role in how we navigate the aftermath.

Exposure to trauma can disrupt the mobility of our connected tissue, leading it to become either too stiff or too loose in different part of the body.

There exists a biofeedback loop between the biology of our nervous system, the connected tissue, our thoughts, our surroundings, and how we connect to our attachments. This intricate interplay underscores the complexity of trauma and its impact on various aspects of our well-being.

Complicated? Absolutely!

IMPACT

Individuals with autism often face frequent exposure to potential traumas. This includes being at heigher risk of abuse and enduring constant pressure to conform to social norms that may not align with their true selves, resulting in a phenomenon called masking. Masking involves suppressing one’s genuine identity to fit in, which can profoundly impact on mental health and make the nervous system more vulnerable to sensory overload.

Interestingly, when neurotypical individuals experience trauma, their nervous system reacts similarly to those of neurodiverse individuals, becoming more susceptible to sensory overload. This means that they also have to navigate daily life while trying to minimize sensory stimuli.

The essence of the matter is that we are all made of the same substance. When a neurotypical individual undergoes trauma, such as prolonged stress or physical injury like whiplash, concussion, or severe illness, they also experience sensory overload in their daily lives.

The difference between an autistic individual and a neurotypical individual lies in the autistic individual serving as the canary in the mineshaft. Autistic individuals act as a barometer for the challenges existing in our society. Thus, by designing societal structures to accommodate and amplify the strengths of neurodiverse individuals, we ultimately uplift everyone, fostering a truly inclusive and supportive community for both neurodiverse and neurotypical individuals.

MY HEALING: BODY, HEART, AND MIND

Throughout my life, I’ve faced challenges such as ptsd, pain, anxiety, fatigue, stress, and burnouts, that forced me to confront the circumstances and impact on my well-being.

In my journey, I’ve relied on three strategies operating on three levels: ‘physical’, ‘emotional’, and ‘mental’. Al three strategies are interconnected, forming a biofeedback loop that aids in breaking the cycle and healing from traumas.

Physical, I prioritize exercise and adequate rest. This not only keeps my body and nervous system flexible and strong but also helps me process emotions and thoughts.

Additionally, I employ self-regulation techniques like stretching, focusing on peripheral vision, yawning, and getting upside down. Moreover, I have recently discovered the importance of physical contact in regulating my nervous system. It’s a common knowledge that we regulate each other’s nervous systems, but I have been surprised to learn how much – this explains “hudsult” and why pet owners often have a more stable nervous system.

I have to recognize – and this is tough for me – the stress my nervous system has endured; I have to accept certain limitations, or so it feels. For example, the other day, I attempted to go for a run, but my nervous system went into a fight-and-flight response. Instead, I’ve found alternatives that work better for me, such as going for long walks or engaging in activities that allow me to work hard at a slower pace, especially in warm weather or during hot yoga sessions.

Emotional, I embrace my feelings by nurturing my relationships based mutual BRAVING trust, as described by Brené Brown:

• Sets Boundaries – we make clear what’s okay and what’s not okay, and why.
• Are Reliable – we deliver on commitments.
• Are Accountable – we own mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
• Vault – our stories.
• Has Integrity – we choose courage over comfort, choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy; and practicing our values, not just professing them.
• Are Nonjudgmental – we can ask for what we need, and talk about how we feel without judgment.
• Are Generous – we extend the most generous interpretation to the intentions, words, and actions of one another.

When faced with relational challenges, I prioritize open communication to heal and foster trust in others and myself. This, in turn, contributes to making my nervous system feel calmer and more flexible.

Is it easy? Not even close; it’s hard work. However, the kindness of people around grants me the privilege of reciprocity, which sometimes makes it enjoyable, and always educational, fostering empathy for one another. It fills me with a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation.

Mentally, I practice radical self-awareness to recognize, understand, and accurately access my thoughts, feelings, motivation, and behavior. This helps me gain insight into my strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs, ultimately aiding me in understanding how I am perceived by others and how my actions impact myself and those around me.

The purpose of the practice is essential in preventing past traumas from dictating my life. By taking responsibility for my upbringing and past traumas, I work every day to break the cycle and create a different life for myself.

After 50 years of practice, I find myself failing miserably every day! Nonetheless, I strive to take small steps forward daily, noticing the changes when I reflect back on my journey. And I persists simply because I insist on improving my connection with myself and others.

POSTSCRIP: FUNCTIONAL DISORDERS

I have reservations regarding ‘functional disorders’, which encompass a broad spectrum of illnesses such as ME and BDE, where there is a tendency to propose mental solutions for physical challenges. I know I am being very critical right now, but I have significant reservations about using randomized controlled trials (RCT’s) in research to address complex or “wild” problems. The scientific method cannot grasp the interconnectedness in the problems that the individuals experience, as we are not isolated islands, rather, we are connected to the world around us.

» Without Judgment

The story revolves around the fear of being too sick to handle the job, finding relief in expressing emotions without judgment, and the importance of self-compassion.

I had just been offered a new job. An attractive job. I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. Instead, my body felt so strained that I couldn’t feel the happiness, I couldn’t think a coherent thought.

It was as if my mind grappled to make sense of it all by accessing the shared pool of the collective unconscious, for me to feel the way I did. 

A thousand thoughts raced through my mind: ‘You are stupid because…’, ‘It is your fault because…’, ‘Why don’t you…’

I knew they had nothing to do with me being offered an attractive job, so there was no reason why I should think the way I did. Despite this understanding, I couldn’t grasp what it was all about; my body was consumed by a senseless panic.

When they asked me what was wrong, I couldn’t explain it, I couldn’t put it into words. I couldn’t articulate what was going on inside of me because of all the chaos. Painfully, I admitted to them that I did not know. I painfully said that I couldn’t convey it without sifting through a pool of accusations from the collective unconscious, and that I knew had nothing to do with them.

They sat down on the floor beside me, tight to tight. They placed their hand on my heart, and I placed my hand on their heart—and I breathed.

Then, quietly, I expressed all the thoughts that came to mind about their supposed guilt, almost like reciting a list of facts that was not theirs nor mine. With each statement, I felt a sense of relief, knowing that none of thoughts captured the essence of what I was feeling.

It was like I was unlocking the looks, and the water flooded out, while at the same time making space for oxygen to come in, because I no longer drowned in my suppressed sensing emotions.

And sentence by sentence, I started to feel what was going on, that I was afraid. I was afraid that I was too sick to take on the new job. I was afraid that I was too sick to be in a high-performance culture. I was afraid that I was too sick to manage the job. I was afraid…

Gradually, without judgment, I calmed down, allowing me to voice my fear—one sentence at a time—that I was too sick to work.

I was immensely grateful for the chance to sit with them without judgment, feeling their presence, sensing, and reconnecting with my body until I regained my sense of self.